"Two a.m." He
swallowed, then said, "You know. The person you can call at two a.m.
and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they're asleep or it's
cold or you need to be bailed out of jail...they'll come for you. It's like,
the highest level of friendship."
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thought Catalogue
He never swept me off my feet; I swept myself off my feet for him.
I blamed unconditional love, because that’s what I felt for you, and if your love had conditions, what good is mine?
I now blame myself for wondering, however briefly yesterday, if I should erase my edges, soften my sarcasm, and paint myself into the picture of perfection that you require.
Forget who he is. Remember to forget.
No, when I go home, almost all of the buildings and businesses are there where I remember them, and with them a raft of memories to float on. I don’t go in for sentimentality all that often, but it’s good to know that if I ever forget my childhood or adolescence all I have to do is go home, get in a car, and drive around. Every part of town has a memory. Every street has a story.
All these places have names I’ll never forget, even though I don’t go home too often now. Not as much as I would like. I try for once a year, more if I have the time or can afford it. But I can go back to any of these houses, these streets, whenever I want. I just have to sit still long enough to do it. It’s good to remember where you come from; it’s part of getting where you’re going.
We romanticize where we’re from and talk about it with an appreciation we didn’t have for it when we lived there.
I knew I had changed, internally and externally, in ways that weren’t obvious to me. I live with myself every day; I don’t see the daily alterations. But those the differences would be obvious to my family the moment I stepped onto the farm. People keep you in their minds how you last left them and expect that same person to return, no matter how much time has gone by.
often the mere experience of trading lands and cultures is enough to link them together and build the foundations of a friendship.
There is a palpable fear to living in a new country, and though it is more acute in the first months, even year, of your stay, it never completely evaporates as time goes on. It simply changes.
As you settle into your new life and country, as time passes and becomes less a question of how long you’ve been here and more one of how long you’ve been gone, you realize that life back home has gone on without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve become completely different people — and so have you.
It’s hard to deny that the act of living in another country, in another language, fundamentally changes you. Different parts of your personality sort of float to the top, and you take on qualities, mannerisms, and opinions that define the new people around you. And there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s often part of the reason you left in the first place. You wanted to evolve, to change something, to put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation that would force you to into a new phase of your life.
There are just too many bridges that have been burned, or love that has turned sour and ugly, or restaurants at which you’ve eaten everything on the menu at least ten times — the only way to escape and to wipe your slate clean is to go somewhere where no one knows who you were, and no one is going to ask. And while it’s enormously refreshing and exhilarating to feel like you can be anyone you want to be and come without the baggage of your past, you realize just how much of “you” was based more on geographic location than anything else.
Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted.
And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities like a child, fundamentally alters you. Yes, the country and its people will have their own effect on who you are and what you think, but few things are more profound than just starting over with the basics and relying on yourself to build a life again
There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of taking that leap and landing softly at least once.
And yes, life has gone on without you. And the longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become. Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed. You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have become an outsider.
But it’s undeniable that whatever life they left back home, they could never pick up all the pieces to.
That old person is gone, and you realize that every day, you come a tiny bit closer to becoming that person yourself — even if you don’t want to.
Thought Catalogue is an online magazine and these quotes are from some of the articles I have read there. http://thoughtcatalog.com/
I blamed unconditional love, because that’s what I felt for you, and if your love had conditions, what good is mine?
I now blame myself for wondering, however briefly yesterday, if I should erase my edges, soften my sarcasm, and paint myself into the picture of perfection that you require.
Forget who he is. Remember to forget.
No, when I go home, almost all of the buildings and businesses are there where I remember them, and with them a raft of memories to float on. I don’t go in for sentimentality all that often, but it’s good to know that if I ever forget my childhood or adolescence all I have to do is go home, get in a car, and drive around. Every part of town has a memory. Every street has a story.
All these places have names I’ll never forget, even though I don’t go home too often now. Not as much as I would like. I try for once a year, more if I have the time or can afford it. But I can go back to any of these houses, these streets, whenever I want. I just have to sit still long enough to do it. It’s good to remember where you come from; it’s part of getting where you’re going.
We romanticize where we’re from and talk about it with an appreciation we didn’t have for it when we lived there.
I knew I had changed, internally and externally, in ways that weren’t obvious to me. I live with myself every day; I don’t see the daily alterations. But those the differences would be obvious to my family the moment I stepped onto the farm. People keep you in their minds how you last left them and expect that same person to return, no matter how much time has gone by.
often the mere experience of trading lands and cultures is enough to link them together and build the foundations of a friendship.
There is a palpable fear to living in a new country, and though it is more acute in the first months, even year, of your stay, it never completely evaporates as time goes on. It simply changes.
As you settle into your new life and country, as time passes and becomes less a question of how long you’ve been here and more one of how long you’ve been gone, you realize that life back home has gone on without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve become completely different people — and so have you.
It’s hard to deny that the act of living in another country, in another language, fundamentally changes you. Different parts of your personality sort of float to the top, and you take on qualities, mannerisms, and opinions that define the new people around you. And there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s often part of the reason you left in the first place. You wanted to evolve, to change something, to put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation that would force you to into a new phase of your life.
There are just too many bridges that have been burned, or love that has turned sour and ugly, or restaurants at which you’ve eaten everything on the menu at least ten times — the only way to escape and to wipe your slate clean is to go somewhere where no one knows who you were, and no one is going to ask. And while it’s enormously refreshing and exhilarating to feel like you can be anyone you want to be and come without the baggage of your past, you realize just how much of “you” was based more on geographic location than anything else.
Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted.
And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities like a child, fundamentally alters you. Yes, the country and its people will have their own effect on who you are and what you think, but few things are more profound than just starting over with the basics and relying on yourself to build a life again
There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of taking that leap and landing softly at least once.
And yes, life has gone on without you. And the longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become. Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed. You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have become an outsider.
But it’s undeniable that whatever life they left back home, they could never pick up all the pieces to.
That old person is gone, and you realize that every day, you come a tiny bit closer to becoming that person yourself — even if you don’t want to.
So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people. As much as your countries represent and fulfill different parts of you and what you enjoy about life, as much as you have formed unbreakable bonds with people you love in both places, as much as you feel truly at home in either one, so you are divided in two. For the rest of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there.
It takes so much to carve out a new life for yourself somewhere new, and it can’t die simply because you’ve moved over a few time zones.
There will always be a part of you that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and live in full color back in the country where it belongs.
To live in a new place is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever you want — on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the things you’re missing out on back home.
Thought Catalogue is an online magazine and these quotes are from some of the articles I have read there. http://thoughtcatalog.com/
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Lip Service
You couldn't catch me and even if you could, you couldn't handle me.
...all he could think was that it was time to go home. That after nearly nine years, he was ready to go back where he belonged. But now that he was here he realized it wasn't home anymore. Everything had changed ... including him.
...all he could think was that it was time to go home. That after nearly nine years, he was ready to go back where he belonged. But now that he was here he realized it wasn't home anymore. Everything had changed ... including him.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Dangerous in Diamonds
"If given a choice between the rarest boom in the world or a diamond clarity, you would choose the latter. Only a fool would not, and you don't impress me as being a fool."
"If the choice was exquisite transience or exquisite permanence, if the diamond were of the first water, I would take the jewel. But if the diamond were second rate, I would not..."
"If the choice was exquisite transience or exquisite permanence, if the diamond were of the first water, I would take the jewel. But if the diamond were second rate, I would not..."
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A Place Called Here
I can only assume that there's only one thing more frustrating than not being able to find someone, and that's not being found. I would want someone to find me, more than anything.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Dreaming of You
A long time ago I learned not to explain things to people. It misleads them into thinking they're entitled to know everything I do.
"He'll survive," he answered her. "Just as he's survived everything else in his life. But he'll never be the same. "
"I'm not here now. This isn't happening. You're just visiting a dream of mine."
"I didn't want to give you the one last part of myself that I couldn't take back. And then you were gone... And I realized it was already yours. It had been since the beginning. Except that I hadn't told you. It drove me mad, the thought that you would never know."
Clinging to him desperately, Sara kept her mouth at his ear. "Listen to me." All she could do was play her last card. Her voice trembled with emotion. "You can't change the truth. You can act as though you're deaf and blind, you can walk away from me forever, but the truth will still be there, and you can't make it go away. I love you." She felt an involuntary tremor run through him. "I love you," she repeated. "Don't lie to either of us by pretending you're leaving for my good. All you'll do is deny us both a chance at happiness. I'll long for you every day and night, but at least my conscience will be clear. I haven't held anything back from you, out of fear or pride or stubbornness." She felt the incredible tautness of his muscles, as if he were carved from marble. "For once have the strength not to walk away,"she whispered. "Stay with me. Let me love you, Derek."
Separately they had different strengths. Together they were complete.
"Then what do you want?" she asked softly.
He shook his head without answering. But Sara knew. He wanted to be safe. If he were rich and powerful enough, he would never be hurt, lonely, or abandoned. He would never have to trust anyone. She continued to stroke his hair, playing lightly with the thick raven locks. 'Take a chance on me," she urged. "Do you really have so much to lose?"
He gave a harsh laugh and loosened his arms to release her. "More than you know."
He stood there frozen in defeat, with all the warmth and promise of her in his arms ... and he couldn't allow himself to take what she offered. He'd never felt so worthless, so much a fraud. Perhaps for a day, a week, he could be what she wanted. But no longer than that. He had sold his honor, his conscience, his body, anything he could use to escape the lot he'd been given in life. And now, with all his great fortune, he couldn't buy back what he'd sacrificed. Were he capable of tears, he would have shed them. Instead he felt numbing coldness spread through his body, filling up the region where his heart should have been. It wasn't difficult to walk away from her. It was appallingly easy.
Sara made an inarticulate sound as he extricated himself from her embrace. He left her as he had left the others, without looking back.
No. But I understand her. Life makes people what they are.
"The Times carried detailed descriptions of Sara's ivory gown and the five-carat blue diamond on her finger, the Cravens reported opinions of the play, and speculation on whether Derek was truly a reformed rake."
"There's not a word of truth in any of it, "Derek said. "Except the part where they said you were resplendent."
"Thank you, kind sir." Sara set down the paper and reached over to toy with one of the large soapy feet propped on the porcelain rim of the tub. She wriggled his big toe playfully. "What about the part that says you're reformed?"
"I'm not. I still do everything I used to do, except now only with you."
"And quite impressively," she replied, her tone demure.
"What did he mean, 'insatiable lust'?"
She hastened to explain. "Well, 'insatiable' means unable to satisfy-"
"I know that," he said in a biting tone. "Why did he say that about you?"
Sara rolled her eyes and shrugged. "It was nothing. I merely tried to kiss him once the way you kissed me..." Her voice faded as she realized that her parents were watching the pair of them in dumbfounded silence.
Isaac was the fist to speak, a smile twitching the corners of his mouth. "I've seen and heard enough, Mr. Craven. If you and my daughter are already talking about 'insatiable lust,' I think I'd better give you my approval... and hope for a quick wedding.
"He'll survive," he answered her. "Just as he's survived everything else in his life. But he'll never be the same. "
"I'm not here now. This isn't happening. You're just visiting a dream of mine."
"I didn't want to give you the one last part of myself that I couldn't take back. And then you were gone... And I realized it was already yours. It had been since the beginning. Except that I hadn't told you. It drove me mad, the thought that you would never know."
Clinging to him desperately, Sara kept her mouth at his ear. "Listen to me." All she could do was play her last card. Her voice trembled with emotion. "You can't change the truth. You can act as though you're deaf and blind, you can walk away from me forever, but the truth will still be there, and you can't make it go away. I love you." She felt an involuntary tremor run through him. "I love you," she repeated. "Don't lie to either of us by pretending you're leaving for my good. All you'll do is deny us both a chance at happiness. I'll long for you every day and night, but at least my conscience will be clear. I haven't held anything back from you, out of fear or pride or stubbornness." She felt the incredible tautness of his muscles, as if he were carved from marble. "For once have the strength not to walk away,"she whispered. "Stay with me. Let me love you, Derek."
Separately they had different strengths. Together they were complete.
"Then what do you want?" she asked softly.
He shook his head without answering. But Sara knew. He wanted to be safe. If he were rich and powerful enough, he would never be hurt, lonely, or abandoned. He would never have to trust anyone. She continued to stroke his hair, playing lightly with the thick raven locks. 'Take a chance on me," she urged. "Do you really have so much to lose?"
He gave a harsh laugh and loosened his arms to release her. "More than you know."
He stood there frozen in defeat, with all the warmth and promise of her in his arms ... and he couldn't allow himself to take what she offered. He'd never felt so worthless, so much a fraud. Perhaps for a day, a week, he could be what she wanted. But no longer than that. He had sold his honor, his conscience, his body, anything he could use to escape the lot he'd been given in life. And now, with all his great fortune, he couldn't buy back what he'd sacrificed. Were he capable of tears, he would have shed them. Instead he felt numbing coldness spread through his body, filling up the region where his heart should have been. It wasn't difficult to walk away from her. It was appallingly easy.
Sara made an inarticulate sound as he extricated himself from her embrace. He left her as he had left the others, without looking back.
No. But I understand her. Life makes people what they are.
"The Times carried detailed descriptions of Sara's ivory gown and the five-carat blue diamond on her finger, the Cravens reported opinions of the play, and speculation on whether Derek was truly a reformed rake."
"There's not a word of truth in any of it, "Derek said. "Except the part where they said you were resplendent."
"Thank you, kind sir." Sara set down the paper and reached over to toy with one of the large soapy feet propped on the porcelain rim of the tub. She wriggled his big toe playfully. "What about the part that says you're reformed?"
"I'm not. I still do everything I used to do, except now only with you."
"And quite impressively," she replied, her tone demure.
"What did he mean, 'insatiable lust'?"
She hastened to explain. "Well, 'insatiable' means unable to satisfy-"
"I know that," he said in a biting tone. "Why did he say that about you?"
Sara rolled her eyes and shrugged. "It was nothing. I merely tried to kiss him once the way you kissed me..." Her voice faded as she realized that her parents were watching the pair of them in dumbfounded silence.
Isaac was the fist to speak, a smile twitching the corners of his mouth. "I've seen and heard enough, Mr. Craven. If you and my daughter are already talking about 'insatiable lust,' I think I'd better give you my approval... and hope for a quick wedding.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Summer by the Sea
= No one had ever told them they might need each other one day, an for some reason, they hadn't figured it out themselves.
= She was the living, breathing proof that the hard things in life didn't have to defeat you - or even define you.
= She knew with painful certainty that the opposite of love was not hate, but indifference.
= She was the living, breathing proof that the hard things in life didn't have to defeat you - or even define you.
= She knew with painful certainty that the opposite of love was not hate, but indifference.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
To Desire A Devil
"And how closely
related to you is Cousin Beatrice?"
Reynaud gave him a look. "Not that close."
"Glad to hear it." Vale dropped into a cushioned chair. "I hope she recovers fully so that you can then propose to her. Because I tell you now, matrimony truly is a blessed state, enjoyed by all men of good sense and halfway adequate bedroom skills."
"Thank you for that edifying thought," Reynaud growled.
Vale waved his glass. "Think nothing of it. I say, you haven't forgotten how to treat a lady in the bedroom, have you?"
"Oh, for God's sake!"
"You've been out of refined society for years and years now. I could give you some pointers, should you need them. I've never been particularly fond of the artifice of flirtation
"Now, now," said Vale in a sickeningly sweet voice reminiscent of a nursery nanny. "I already gave him a drubbing for courting Emmie."
Reynaud raised his eyebrows. "You did?"
"He did not," Hartley said even as Vale nodded happily. "I threw him down the stairs."
Vale pursed his lips and looked skyward. "Not my recollection, but I can see how your memory of the event may've become hazy."
"Have you asked the question yet? I'm rather good at it, if I do say to myself. I got three different ladies to agree to marry me while you were gone. Did you know? Some didn't actually make it to the alter, but that's another problem altogether. Perhaps you'd like some pointers on-"
Reynaud gave him a look. "Not that close."
"Glad to hear it." Vale dropped into a cushioned chair. "I hope she recovers fully so that you can then propose to her. Because I tell you now, matrimony truly is a blessed state, enjoyed by all men of good sense and halfway adequate bedroom skills."
"Thank you for that edifying thought," Reynaud growled.
Vale waved his glass. "Think nothing of it. I say, you haven't forgotten how to treat a lady in the bedroom, have you?"
"Oh, for God's sake!"
"You've been out of refined society for years and years now. I could give you some pointers, should you need them. I've never been particularly fond of the artifice of flirtation
"Now, now," said Vale in a sickeningly sweet voice reminiscent of a nursery nanny. "I already gave him a drubbing for courting Emmie."
Reynaud raised his eyebrows. "You did?"
"He did not," Hartley said even as Vale nodded happily. "I threw him down the stairs."
Vale pursed his lips and looked skyward. "Not my recollection, but I can see how your memory of the event may've become hazy."
"Have you asked the question yet? I'm rather good at it, if I do say to myself. I got three different ladies to agree to marry me while you were gone. Did you know? Some didn't actually make it to the alter, but that's another problem altogether. Perhaps you'd like some pointers on-"
Thursday, August 2, 2012
To Lovers Who Think Alike!
Only once in your
life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world
around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and
they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share
hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never
achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something
wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will
share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you
are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they
hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather
they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you
special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or
competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be
yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love
you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such
as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart
to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and
vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more
brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent
or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you
through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their
presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find
you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never
interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important
to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every
occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a
pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open
your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in
opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed
possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart
to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in
knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal
to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your
only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
Compilor's note: This is a quote I found online. I do not know if it is from a novel or not. The title of this post is not the title of the novel I got this from.
Compilor's note: This is a quote I found online. I do not know if it is from a novel or not. The title of this post is not the title of the novel I got this from.
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