Sum of all kisses

Her companions were her younger sisters, Harriet, Elizabeth, and Frances, who—at sixteen, fourteen, and eleven—were not of an age to worry about matrimonial prospects. Still, one might think they would offer a bit of sympathy.

One might, if one was not familiar with the Pleinsworth girls.

“You’re being melodramatic,” Harriet replied, sparing Sarah a fleeting glance before dipping her pen in ink and resuming her scribbles at the writing desk.

Sarah turned slowly in her direction. “You’re writing a play about Henry VIII and a unicorn and you’re calling me melodramatic?”

“It’s a satire,” Harriet replied.

“What’s a satire?” Frances cut in. “Is it the same as a satyr?”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened with wicked delight. “Yes!” she exclaimed.

“Elizabeth!” Harriet scolded.

Frances narrowed her eyes at Elizabeth. “It’s not, is it?”

“It ought to be,” Elizabeth retorted, “given that you’ve made her put a bloody unicorn in the story.”

“Elizabeth!” Sarah didn’t really care that her sister had cursed, but as the oldest in the family, she knew she ought to care. Or at the very least, make a pretense of caring.

“I wasn’t cursing,” Elizabeth protested. “It was wishful thinking.”

This was met with confused silence.

“If the unicorn is bleeding,” Elizabeth explained, “then the play has at least a chance of being interesting.”

Frances gasped. “Oh, Harriet! You’re not going to injure the unicorn, are you?”

Harriet slid a hand over her writing. “Well, not very much.”

Frances’s gasp whooshed into a choke of terror. “Harriet!”

“Is it even possible to have a plague of weddings?” Harriet said loudly, turning back to Sarah. “And if so, would two qualify?”

“They would,” Sarah replied darkly, “if they were occurring just one week apart, and if one happened to be related to one of the brides and one of the grooms, and especially if one was forced to be the maid of honor at a wedding in which—”

“You only have to be maid of honor once,” Elizabeth cut in.

“Once is enough,” Sarah muttered. No one should have to walk down a church aisle with a bouquet of flowers unless she was the bride, already had been the bride, or was too young to be the bride. Otherwise, it was just cruel.

“I think it’s divine that Honoria asked you to be the maid of honor,” Frances gushed. “It’s so romantic. Maybe you can write a scene like this in your play, Harriet.”

“That’s a good idea,” Harriet replied. “I could introduce a new character. I’ll have her look just like Sarah.”

Sarah didn’t even bother to turn in her direction. “Please don’t.”

“No, it will be great fun,” Harriet insisted. “A special little tidbit just for the three of us.”

“There are four of us,” Elizabeth said.

“Oh, right. Sorry, I think I was forgetting Sarah, actually.”

Sarah deemed this unworthy of comment, but she did curl her lip.

“My point,” Harriet continued, “is that we will always remember that we were right here together when we thought of it.”

“You could make her look like me,” Frances said hopefully.

“No, no,” Harriet said, waving her off. “It’s too late to change now. I’ve already got it fixed in my head. The new character must look like Sarah. Let me see . . .” She started scribbling madly. “Thick, dark hair with just the slightest tendency to curl.”

“Dark, bottomless eyes,” Frances put in breathlessly. “They must be bottomless.”

“With a hint of madness,” Elizabeth said.

Sarah whipped around to face her.

“I’m just doing my part,” Elizabeth demurred. “And I certainly see that hint of madness now.”

“I should think so,” Sarah retorted.

“Not too tall, not too short,” Harriet said, still writing.

Elizabeth grinned and joined in the singsong. “Not too thin, not too fat.”

“Oh oh oh, I have one!” Frances exclaimed, practically bouncing along the sofa. “Not too pink, not too green.”

That stopped the conversation cold. “I beg your pardon?” Sarah finally managed.

“You don’t embarrass easily,” Frances explained, “so you very rarely blush. And I’ve only ever seen you cast up your accounts once, and that was when we all had that bad fish in Brighton.”

“Hence the green,” Harriet said approvingly. “Well done, Frances. That’s very clever. People really do turn greenish when they are queasy. I wonder why that is.”

“Bile,” Elizabeth said.

“Must we have this conversation?” Sarah wondered.

“I don’t see why you’re in such a bad mood,” Harriet said.

“I’m not in a bad mood.”

“You’re not in a good mood.”

Sarah did not bother to contradict.

Shrinking Women

Across from me at the kitchen table,
My mother smiles over red wine that she drinks out of a measuring glass.
She says she doesn’t deprive herself,
but I’ve learned to find nuance in every movement of her fork.
In every crinkle in her brow as she offers me the uneaten pieces on her plate.
I’ve realized she only eats dinner when I suggest it.
I wonder what she does when I’m not there to do so.
Maybe this is why my house feels bigger each time I return; it’s proportional.
As she shrinks the space around her seems increasingly vast.
She wanes while my father waxes.
His stomach has grown round with wine, late nights, oysters, poetry.
A new girlfriend who was overweight as a teenager,
But my dad reports that now she’s “crazy about fruit.”
It was the same with his parents;
As my grandmother became frail and angular,
Her husband swelled to red round cheeks, round stomach
And I wonder if my lineage is one of women shrinking
Making space for the entrance of men into their lives
Not knowing how to fill it back up once they leave.
I have been taught accommodation.
My brother never thinks before he speaks.
I have been taught to filter.
“How can anyone have a relationship to food?” He asks, laughing,
As I eat the black bean soup I chose for its lack of carbs.
I want to tell say: we come from difference, Jonas,
You have been taught to grow out
I have been taught to grow in.
You learned from our father how to emit,
How to produce, to roll each thought off your tongue with confidence,
You used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much
I learned to absorb
I took lessons from our mother in creating space around myself
I learned to read the knots in her forehead while the guys went out for oysters
And I never meant to replicate her,
Spend enough time sitting across from someone and you pick up their habits
That’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades.
We all learned it from each other,
The way each generation taught the next how to knit
Weaving silence in between the threads
Which I can still feel as I walk through this ever-growing house, skin itching,
Picking up all the habits my mother has unwittingly dropped
Like bits of crumpled paper from her pocket on her countless trips
From bedroom to kitchen to bedroom again,
Nights I hear her creep down to eat plain yogurt in the dark,
A fugitive stealing calories to which she does not feel entitled.
Deciding how many bites is too many
How much space she deserves to occupy.
Watching the struggle I either mimic or hate her,
And I don’t want to do either anymore
But the burden of this house has followed me across the country
I asked five questions in genetics class today
And all of them started with the word “sorry”.
I don’t know the requirements for the sociology major
Because I spent the entire meeting deciding
Whether or not I could have another piece of pizza
A circular obsession I never wanted
But inheritance is accidental
Still staring at me with wine-stained lips from across the kitchen table.

Spoken Word Poetry from You Tube

Merlin

Gaius: You are special. The likes of which I've never seen before.
Merlin: What do you mean?
Gaius: Well... magic requires incantations, spells that take years to study. What I saw you do was... elemental. Instinctive.
Merlin: What's the point if it can't be used?
Gaius: That I do not know. You are a question that has never been posed before, Merlin.

Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.
Merlin: Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat?
Arthur: You can't address me like that.
Merlin: Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?

The Great Dragon: (voice-over) No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it shall be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will in time father a legend. His name... Merlin.

The Great Dragon: None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin. And none of us can escape it.

Gaius: We all have our duties, even Arthur.

Merlin: It must be so tough for him, with all the... girls and the glory.

Merlin: Why does everyone seem to think it's down to me to do something about it?

Gwen: Because it is! Isn't it? You have to show everyone that you were right and they were wrong.

Merlin: Where are you? I just came to tell you, whatever you think my destiny is, whatever it is you think I'm supposed to do, you've got the wrong person! That's it. Goodbye.

The Great Dragon: If only it were so easy to escape one's destiny.

Merlin: How can it be my destiny to protect someone who hates me.

The Great Dragon: The half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole. Very soon, you shall learn that.

Merlin: Oh, great. Just what I needed. Another riddle.

The Great Dragon: That your and Arthur's path lies together is but the truth.

Merlin: What is that supposed to mean?

The Great Dragon: You know, young warlock, this is not the end. It is the beginning.

Morgana: Has your father apologised yet for not believing you?

Arthur: He'll never apologise. I hope you're not disappointed Valiant's not escorting you.

Morgana: Turns out he wasn't really champion material.

Arthur: That was some tournament final.

Morgana: Tell me about it. It's not every day a girl gets to save her prince.

Arthur: I wouldn't say I needed exactly saving. I'm sure I would have thought of something.

Morgana: See, you're too proud to admit you were saved by a girl!

Arthur: Because I wasn't.

Morgana: You know what? I wish Valiant was escorting me.

Arthur: Me too. Then I wouldn't have to listen to you.

Arthur: You should stay here.

Morgana: I'm coming with you.

Arthur: No.

Morgana: Scared I'll show you up?

Arthur: Father would slam us both in chains if he knew I endangered you.

Morgana: Good thing he doesn't know about it, then.

Arthur: I'm telling you, Morgana. Turn back. You could get hurt.

Morgana: So could you, if you don't get out of my way.

Arthur: Tell Gaius my father wants to see him now.

Merlin: Gaius, I...

Gaius: I heard.

Merlin: Why could he just tell you himself?

Gaius: Because that's the way it is. You're a servant.

Merlin: If he knew who I was, what I've done...

Gaius: You'd be a dead servant

Uther: Arthur, you are my only son and heir. I can't risk losing you for the sake of some serving boy.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because it's worth less than yours.

Gaius: I never said he didn't, but destiny and desserts are not the same thing. You played God, Merlin. You set him on a path of your choosing. Tonight might have brought him triumph but who knows what the future holds?

Merlin: Yeah. I don't know what it said on your invitation but on mine it said 'celebration'.

Arthur: Grumant's the third to fail this month. How am I supposed to defend Camelot with rubbish like that?

Merlin: Well, I think I might be able to help.

Arthur: You? You haven't the faintest idea what it takes to be a knight. Courage. Fortitude. Discipline.

Merlin: No. No, of course I don't. But I do know someone who does.

Arthur: Yeah?

Merlin: He saved my life.

Arthur: That's blown it for starters.

Merlin: No, no. He's really good. Honestly.

Arthur: That's great, Merlin. I'm sure he's terrific but you forget the First Code of Camelot.

Merlin: The what?

Arthur: The First Code. Only those of noble blood can serve as knights. So, unless your friend is a nobleman...

Merlin: Oh, he is a nobleman.

Arthur: Is he?

Merlin: Absolutely.

Arthur: Very well, bring him to the training ground tomorrow and make sure he brings his seal of nobility.

Merlin: You saw it, Gaius. I can't go up against that thing.

Gaius: But if you do not, Arthur will surely perish.

Merlin: No, no. This is madness. I don't have magic that powerful. There must be another way.

Gaius: This is the only way.

Merlin: Do you even care what happens to me? 'Oh, just do this, Merlin. Do that, Merlin. Go and kill the griffin, Merlin, I'll just sit here and warm my feet by the fire!'

Gaius: It's all ridiculous. I didn't save Uther. You did.

Merlin: No, no. For once, I'm happy for someone else to take the credit. You were prepared to sacrifice your life to save me.

Gaius: Where do you get that from?

Merlin: I thought...

Gaius: No. I didn't do anything. You saved me and you saved Uther. Maybe you are a genius.

Merlin: You think so?

Gaius: Well, almost. One day.

Edwin: (to Uther) It seems the drugs I gave you have taken hold. Your body is now paralysed. Now, open your eyes, my lord. I want my face to be the last face you ever see. You took my childhood from me and now, finally, I take my parents' revenge. Within a few hours, the beetle will eat into your brain and you will suffer- as they suffered. And I long to hear you scream as they screamed the night you gave the order for the fires to be lit. With your death, magic will return to Camelot.

Gwen: In life you always have a choice. Sometimes it's easier to think that you don't.

Gaius: Well then, my choice is to leave.

The Great Dragon: How old a man can become and yet change so little.

Gaius: You have not changed either.

The Great Dragon: Twenty years. Almost a lifetime to make the short journey back to where you began.

Gaius: I'm not here for myself.

The Great Dragon: The boy?

Gaius: You know about Merlin?

The Great Dragon: You have struggled against his destiny but you can no more prevent it than he can.

Gaius: So it is true then?

The Great Dragon: Oh yes. He and the young Pendragon one day will unite the land of Albion.

Gaius: But he is in danger.

The Great Dragon: No, it is my jailer who stands in peril.

Gaius: Must Uther be sacrificed for the boy?

The Great Dragon: Their time cannot come until his is past.

Gaius: But is that time now?

The Great Dragon: (chuckling) That is of your choosing.

Gaius: I will not choose between them.

The Great Dragon: Then turn a blind eye. That is, after all, your talent.

Gaius: (about Morgana) She must never find out the truth.

Merlin: Why not? She had a premonition that helped save Arthur's life.

Gaius: And it could cost her her own. If Uther ever found out, things would never be the same again. It must remain a secret.

Merlin: Is she like me? Can she use magic?

Gaius: No one's like you, Merlin.

Merlin: But she has the gift?

Gaius: For her sake, I hope not.

Uther: When you failed to show up for patrol this morning, I feared you'd eloped with Sophia in a fit of passion.

Merlin: I wish he had, because then I wouldn't be stood in front of you looking like an idiot. Again.

Uther: This is becoming a near daily occurrence with you.

Merlin: But there was a mistake, and I would not say it was anyone's fault... not really... You could say it was mine.

Uther: Could somebody tell me what happened?

Merlin: Well...

Uther: Somebody with a brain.

Arthur: After Sophia left, I wanted to take my mind off her so I went for a hunt.

Morgana: So killing things mends a broken heart?

Arthur: No, but it's good fun. Merlin was meant to inform you that I wouldn't be back til later today.

Uther: Have you some kind of mental affliction?

Merlin: Probably.

Gaius: I'm looking into it, sire.

Uther: Well, I hope for our sake you find a cure or we'll find ourselves with a food shortage on our hands.

Merlin: Food shortage?

Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: What happened? Where am I?

Merlin: Can you remember anything?

Arthur: (sitting up in bed) Oh, my head. There was a girl. Sophia. She... I asked my father something about her... I asked him... What was I thinking?

Merlin: Well, we did wonder. Especially when you eloped with her last night.

Arthur: I did what?

Gaius: Merlin had to bring you back to Camelot.

Arthur: I don't recall any of this.

Gaius: It must have been some blow.

Arthur: What blow?

Merlin: Well, when I caught up with you, I couldn't persuade you to return. You were beyond reasoning. So I had to make you.

Arthur: You managed to knock me out?

Merlin: Yep. With a lump of wood.

Gaius: He only did it to bring you back safely.

Arthur: No-one can know about this. Any of it.

Merlin: You would think the appeal of pelting the same person with fruit would wear off after a while, but oh no.

Merlin: Your father's bestowing a knighthood on one of your men this morning.

Arthur: I'm giving it a miss.

Merlin: Won't your king mind?

Arthur: Not if you cover for me again. By the way, thanks for yesterday. I heard you ended up in the stocks. Bad luck.

Merlin: They were throwing potatoes at me. It's only supposed to be rotten fruit!

Arthur: I'm not sure there's any hard and fast rules. But, if it's any consolation, I think it was worth it.

Merlin: It went well?

Arthur: Great. Fantastic. She's incredible.

Merlin: Don't worry. I'll find a way to get you out of it.

Arthur: Make sure you don't end up in the stocks this time.

Merlin: I won't. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole deception lark.

Uther: Where's my son?

Merlin: I'm not sure where he is. I think... there's been a mistake. But it's not his fault. Arthur's, I mean.

Uther: Stop gibbering and tell me where he is.

Merlin: It's probably... no, it's definitely my fault.

Uther: Where is Arthur?

Merlin: He's not here.

Uther: I can see that.

Merlin: Arthur wasn't sure of his orders so he asked me to check with the guards and see if he was riding out this morning and, well, I may have forgotten.

Uther: You forgot?

Merlin: I'm sorry, my lord. I am sure he would have been here- had I told him.

Uther: If this was a time of war, I would have you flogged.

Merlin: And since it's not, we'll let it go just this once?

Gwen: You're sure it's her?

Morgana: I could never forget that face.

Gwen: You should speak to the king.

Morgana: And tell him what? That I can see the future?

Gwen: If you think Arthur's life is in danger...

Morgana: You know how he'd react.

Gwen: You're his ward. He wouldn't harm you!

Morgana: He hates magic more than he cares for me.

Gwen: That's not true.

Morgana: Would you care to put it to the test?

Arthur: I'm taking Sophia out for a ride today. You know, show her around.

Merlin: Where do I come into this?

Arthur: Well, I'm supposed to be on patrol with the guard and my father this morning, so... I need you to cover for me.

Merlin: What, and lie to the king? No. No way. No, he'll see right through me. He'll have me in the stocks quicker than you can say 'rotten tomatoes'.

Arthur: Merlin, I need you to do this for me.

Merlin: I am a terrible liar. I start sweating, my vision blurs, my brain stops working...

Arthur: Well, no change there then. Look, I promised Sophia I'd take her out, and if I don't turn up, it'll blow my chances.

Merlin: You like her, then.

Arthur: Yeah! What's not to like? I want to spend some more time with her but I need to get my father off my back. I can't order you to lie to the king, but I'll be a friend for life if you do.

Merlin: (after a pause)Go on, then. You don't want to keep her waiting.

Arthur: Make sure you put her in a decent room.

Merlin: The one next door's empty.

Arthur: The one next door's fine. Excellent, in fact. (Merlin gives him a look) Shut up, Merlin.

Merlin: What? I didn't say anything!

Arthur: You didn't have to. I want to make it clear that my intentions towards Sophia are completely honourable. Put her in a room on the other side of the castle. It's warmer. More comfortable.

Merlin: Of course. She is very... beautiful.

Arthur: Yes, she is.

Merlin: And if your intentions are honourable...

Arthur: Oh, they are. Most definitely.

Merlin: Then what's the problem with her staying next door?

Arthur: There isn't one. You've convinced me. Put her in the room next to mine.

Arthur: We're supposed to be hunting. It requires speed, stealth and an agile mind!

Merlin: So, you're able to get by in two out of three, then.

Great Dragon: The young warlock. No doubt you're here about the Druid boy.

Merlin: How did you know?

Great Dragon: Like you, I hear him speak.

Merlin: Why does he call me Emrys?

Great Dragon: Because that is your name.

Merlin: I'm pretty sure my name's Merlin. It always has been.

Great Dragon: You have many names.

Merlin: Do I? How does the boy know who I am? I've never even met any druids.

Great Dragon: There is much written about you that you have yet to read. You should not protect this boy.

Merlin: Why? He has magic. He's just like me.

Great Dragon: You and the boy are as different as day and night.

Morgana: I feel like I've put you in danger without stopping to ask how you feel about it. I'm sorry.

Gwen: I know how it feels to face the threat of execution and I wouldn't wish it on anyone

Mordred: (telepathically to Merlin) Goodbye, Emrys. I know that some day, we'll meet again.

(Merlin lies on his bed; Mordred contacts him telepathically)

Mordred: Emrys. Emrys. Where are you, Emrys? Emrys, help us. Please. They're coming. I'm scared, Emrys. They'll kill me. Don't do this. Don't ignore me. I know you can hear me. I thought you were my friend. We are the same. I don't want to die. Emrys. Emrys! EMRYS!

(Merlin bolts off the bed)

Gwen: You're risking so much for this boy. You don't know anything about him. You don't even know his name!

Morgana: There's a bond between us.

Gwen: Stronger than the bond you have with Uther?

Morgana: It's like nothing I've ever felt before. Perhaps I was always meant to help him.

Gwen: How can that be?

Morgana: I don't know. I can't explain it.

Gaius: I assume it's the plight of the druid boy that's causing your forehead to wrinkle like a lizard's elbow.

Merlin: Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?

Gaius: I suppose it depends on what the terrible and even worse things were.

Merlin: One of them's bad. Really bad. And the other... it's unthinkable.

Gaius: Sounds as if you've already made your decision. You can only do what you believe to be right, Merlin. I just hope it doesn't involve putting yourself in terrible danger.

Merlin: For once, you don't have to worry. I'm going to do nothing.

Gwen: So how does it feel to be servant to the crowned prince of Camelot?

Merlin: Washing his royal socks will be even more of a privilege.

Gwen: You're proud of him really, even though you complain about him constantly.

Merlin: I am not.

Gwen: You are! I can see it in your face!

Merlin: Those socks are very clean, of course I'm proud of them.

Gaius: Are you not fond of old crypts?

Merlin: I wouldn't be seen dead anywhere else.

Uther: I should have known.

(Nimueh appears before him)

Nimueh: It is more than I hoped for, Uther. Soon, Arthur will be slain. And you have sent him to his death.

Uther: Haven't you had your fill of revenge?

Nimueh: Haven't you! You began this war when you threw me from the court and slaughtered my kind.

Uther: You brought that on yourself with the evil you practised.

Nimueh: I was your friend, Uther. You welcomed me here.

Uther: And you betrayed that friendship.

Nimueh: I did as you asked! I used the magic you so despise to give your barren wife the son you craved.

Uther: Don't you ever speak of her in that way! Ygraine was my heart. And you took her from me!

Nimueh: She died giving birth to your son! It was not my choice. That is the law of magic. To create a life there had to be a death. The balance of the world had to be repaid!

Uther: You knew it would kill her.

Nimueh: No, you're wrong! If I had foreseen her death and the terrible retribution you'd seek, I would never have granted your request.

Uther: I wish you hadn't.

Nimueh: You wish you didn't have a son? Well, your wish will come true soon enough.

Uther: I will not let you take him!

Nimueh: That is your choice. I have watched so many people I love die at your hands, Uther Pendragon. Now...it is your turn.

Gwen: Merlin, what are you doing here?

Merlin: I've come to ask a favour.

Gwen: Yes?

Merlin: I'm not sure how to ask it.

Gwen: Ask, Merlin. You know I'd grant you anything. (pause) I mean, not anything. Obviously not anything. What is it you want?

Merlin: I've come to ask for a sword. The strongest sword your father's ever made.

Gwen: What for?

Merlin: To save Arthur.

Hunith: You'd better be going.

Merlin: I don't have to go.

Hunith: Yes you do.

Merlin: If anything were to happen to you...

Hunith: I know where to find you. You have to go, Merlin. You belong at Arthur's side. I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin.

Merlin: I've heard someone say that about us before. I'm going to miss you.

Hunith: I'm going to miss you too. When you left, you were just a boy. Now look at you. I'm so proud of you. When the time is right, the truth will be known. Until then you must keep your talents hidden. It's better for everyone.

William: That's twice I've saved you.

Arthur: Twice?

William: It was me. I'm the one who used the magic.

Merlin: Will, don't...

William: It's alright, Merlin. I won't be alive long enough for anyone to do anything to me. I did it. I saw how desperate things were becoming. I had to do something.

Arthur: You're a sorcerer?

William: Yeah. What are you going to do? Kill me?

Hunith: He must care for you a great deal.

Merlin: Arthur would do the same for any village. That's just the way he is.

Hunith: It's more than that. He's here for you.

Merlin: I'm just his servant.

Hunith: Give him more credit than that. He likes you.

Merlin: That's because he doesn't know me. And if he did, I'd probably be dead by now.

Arthur: Have you always slept on the floor?

Merlin: Yeah. The bed I've got in Camelot's luxury by comparison.

Arthur: It must have been hard.

Merlin: Hmm. It's like rock.

Arthur: I didn't mean the ground, I meant... for you. It must have been difficult.

Merlin: Not really. I didn't know any different. Life's simple out here. You eat what you grown and everyone pitches in together. As long as you've got food on the table and a roof over your had, you're happy.

Arthur: Sounds... nice.

Merlin: You'd hate it.

Arthur: No doubt. Why did you leave?

Merlin: Things just... changed.

Arthur: How? (Merlin pauses) Come on. Stop pretending to be interesting. Tell me.

Merlin: I just didn't fit in anymore. I wanted to find somewhere that I did.

Arthur: Had any luck?

Merlin: I'm not sure yet.

Hunith: They shouldn't be here, especially the Lady Morgana. Isn't she the king's ward?

Merlin: Not that you'd know it. She's the only person I know who isn't frightened of him.

Hunith: It won't make any difference to Kanen that they're women.

Merlin: I know. But I couldn't talk them out of coming. (

Gaius: Careful with the wine. You know what you're like. One whiff of a barmaid's apron and you're singing like a sailor.

Gwen: I've packed some armour for you.

Merlin: I won't be able to carry all that.

Morgana: You won't have to. We're coming with you.

Merlin: What do you mean?

Gwen: You're going to need all the help you can get. I can mend armour and sharpen swords.

Morgana: And I know how to fight.

Merlin: But you... you can't. I mean, why would you?

Gwen: If it was the other way round, you'd help us. You already have. You saved my life.

Morgana: And you helped me get the druid boy out of Camelot. We owe it to you. Both of us.

Arthur: I'm sorry. If it were up to me, we'd be on our way there now.

Merlin: Well, you tried. And thank you for getting an audience with the king.

Arthur: I wish that Camelot was able to help people regardless of how far away they lived.

Merlin: I'm going back to Ealdor.

Arthur: Of course.

Merlin: It's been an honour serving you.

Arthur: You'll be coming back?

Merlin: She's my mother. I have got to look after her before anyone else. You understand?

Arthur: I'd do exactly the same. Well... you've been terrible. Really. I mean it, the worst servant I've ever had.

Merlin: Thank you, sire.

Merlin: I trust Arthur with my life.

Will: Is that so? So he knows your secret, then? Look, face it, Merlin you're living a lie. Just like you were here. You're Arthur's servant, nothing more. Otherwise you'd tell him the truth.

Gwen: (about Arthur) "Why do you think he came here?"

Morgana: "The same reason we did: Merlin. Arthur may act like he doesn't care, but he wouldn't be here if he didn't."

Morgana: You still not learned how to dress yourself?

Arthur: You don't have a dog and fetch the stick yourself. No offence, Merlin.

Merlin: None taken.

Arthur: You need to spend less time worrying about unicorns and more time worrying about rats.

Arthur: [takes a mouthful of Merlin's stew] What kind of meat is this? It has a very strange texture...

Merlin: It's pork.

Arthur: This isn't pork. It's far too stringy, what is it, it's... ummm... [realises] It's rat, isn't it?

Merlin: [nods] Try not to think about it.

Arthur: [pauses looking revolted, then has an idea] Look at me, I'm being rude! Here I am stuffing my face with this delicious stew, when you're hungry too! Come on... [stands and gestures to Merlin] take a seat...

Morgana: I hate to ask but I was... wondering if you had anything to eat..

(Merlin and Arthur, who have been eating rat stew, look at each other and smile)

Merlin: Listen to me!

Arthur: You know me, Merlin, I never listen to you.

Arthur: I had no idea you were so keen to die for me.

Merlin: Trust me, I can hardly believe it myself.

Merlin: Where did you get the water to make the tea? *takes a sip*

Gaius: Fortunately for the both of us you forgot to empty your bath yesterday.

Merlin: *spits it back out* You're making tea from my bath water?

Gaius: It's not so bad. Perhaps a little bit...soapy.

Arthur: You think this is funny.

Merlin: ...Moderately.

Merlin: I know you don't have to listen to me -

Arthur: Glad we agree on something

Uther: And he'll be found guilty. Because that's what he is!

Morgana: Only a madman hears the truth as treason.

Merlin: I need to talk to you.

Arthur: You still haven't got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk.

Merlin: Not today.

Arthur: I sometimes wonder if you know who I am.

Merlin: Oh, I know who you are.

Arthur: Good.

Merlin: You're a prat. And a royal one.

Arthur: Are you ever going to change, Merlin?

Merlin: No, you'd get bored. Promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker.

Arthur: If this is you trying to leave your job...

Merlin: No. I'm happy to be your servant, till the day I die.

Arthur: Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin. Other times...

Merlin: Well, I know you. and you're a great warrior. One day you'll be a great King.

Arthur: That's very kind of you.

Merlin: But you must learn to listen as well as you fight.

Arthur: Any more pointers?

Merlin: No. That's it. Just... don't be a prat.

Merlin: We haven't done all the things we're meant to do!

Gaius: That is the lament of all men.

Gwen: You're not going to die, Arthur. I'm telling you. Because I know that one day, you will be King. A greater king than your father could ever be. It's what keeps me going. You are going to live to be the man I've seen inside you, Arthur. I can see a Camelot that is fair and just. I can see a king that the people will love and be proud to call their sovereign. For the love of Camelot... you have to live.

Cedric: It's an honour to be of service to the prince.

Arthur: An honour, do you hear that Merlin?

Cedric: Allow me the honour [begins to brush Arthur's clothes] of brushing your clothes down.

Arthur: [whispers, looking pointedly at Merlin] The honour!

Uther: We must learn our lessons from these terrible events, Gaius.

Gaius: Indeed, Sire.

Uther: They prove beyond doubt I was right. Magic is evil; it is our greatest threat. [pause] I have grown complacent, Gaius.

Merlin: I just want Arthur to trust me, and to see me for who I truly am.

Gaius: He will

Merlin: When? Everything I do is for him, and he just thinks I'm an idiot.

[Arthur is practising his jousting with Sir Leon; as they ride towards one another, the glare from Sir Leon's armour blinds Arthur, leaving him defenceless, but Sir Leon does not attack. Arthur dismounts.]

Arthur: Why did you pull out? I was wide open, you could’ve unhorsed me!

Sir Leon: I was fearful that I might injure you, sire.

Arthur: You had the advantage, you can’t afford to hesitate!

Sir Leon: I wouldn’t’ve done if I were facing a different opponent. You are the future king, my lord.

Arthur: You jousted against me in the tournament last year, are you saying you let me win?

Sir Leon: [hesitates] No, my lord.

Arthur: [turns to the other knights, who shuffle uncomfortably] It doesn’t matter who I am! I do not expect any special treatment from you, from any of you! Is that understood?

Merlin: (cleaning Gaius's leech tank) This is horrible. This is truly digusting.

Gaius: Than maybe next time you'll think twice about lying to me. You have something on your face

(Merlin puts his hand to his face and discovers several leeches)

Arthur: We’ve received reports that a beast has been sighted roaming the forest near the northern borders.

Uther: What’s the nature of this beast?

Arthur: Well, it is said to have the body of a lion, the wings of an eagle, and the… face of… a bear.

[Merlin struggles not to laugh.]

Arthur: I believe it has been conjured by sorcery.

Gaius: Where do you get the idea you can sit around all day and do nothing?

Merlin: Do you think I sit around and do nothing?! I haven't had a chance to sit around and do nothing since the day I arrived in Camelot, I'm too busy running around after Arthur - do this Merlin, do that Merlin - and when I'm not running around after Arthur, I'm doing chores for you and if I'm not doing that, I'm fulfilling my destiny - do you know how many times I've saved Arthur's life? I've lost count - do I get any thanks? No - I have fought griffins, witches, bandits, I have been punched, poisoned, pelted with fruit, and all the while I have to hide who I really am because if anyone finds out, Uther will have me executed. Some times I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions I don't know which way to turn!

[Arthur notices that Merlin is cleaning his chainmail]

Arthur: I thought I told you to do that yesterday?

Merlin: I didn’t have time, I was cleaning your stables.

Arthur: That’s strange, because a little bird told me you were somewhere else.

Merlin: Mucking out the stables is strange and a talking bird isn’t?

Arthur: Merlin, what’ve we said about you trying to be funny?

Merlin: I shouldn't.

Aglain: What would you like to know?

Morgana: Why I can see the future in my dreams. Why I’m able to start fires with my mind.

Aglain: People who’re able to do this are few and far between. You have a gift.

Morgana: Is it magic?

Aglain: Of a kind, yes. But it will be many years before you’re able to understand it fully, let alone use it. This isn’t something to be afraid of.

Merlin: It’s good to have you back.

Arthur: This has to stop. The king would have your head if he found out. There’s no point denying it.

Merlin: Denying what?

Arthur: Your affections for the Lady Morgana.

Merlin: [laughs] Right.

Arthur: Take a bit of advice from someone who knows about women.

Merlin: If such a person existed, I would.

Arthur: Stick to girls who are more… how can I put it… on your level.

Merlin: Thanks.

Arthur: She can’t be your friend, let alone anything else.

Merlin: Yeah, I know.

Arthur: [pats him on the back] You can’t hide anything from me, Merlin. [walks away]

Merlin: [laughs, then becomes serious] Wouldn’t dream of it.

Mordred: (Telepathically) Hello, Emrys.

(Mordred runs off)

Merlin: "You can trust me Morgana, you know you can."

Morgana: "I'm scared Merlin. I don't understand anything anymore."

Merlin: "She's my friend!"

The Great Dragon: "She cannot be trusted!"

Morgana: You look troubled, Gwen.

Gwen: Oh, I’m fine.

Morgana: You’re very secretive these days; I’m beginning to think there’s a man involved.

Gwen: When do I get to meet any decent men?

Morgana: How can you be so heartless? Gwen is the most kind, loyal person you would ever meet and she’s been more than a friend to all of us! And you would leave at the mercy of those animals!

Arthur: Morgana.

Morgana: Have you no shame? Do you think of no one but yourself?

Arthur: Morgana –

Morgana: I knew you were many things Arthur Pendragon but I didn’t know you were a gutless coward!

Arthur: Morgana! Perhaps if you would stop shouting at me for one second, you would notice that I am packing.

Arthur: The ransom was supposed to be delivered to the Vale of Dinaria; if they’re holding Gwen anywhere, it has to be there. Which means we can save a day’s riding if we cut through the tunnels of Andor.

Merlin: Oh, no. I know that face, I’m not going to like this am I? What’s in the tunnels?

Arthur: They’re infested with Wildooren.

Merlin: What are Wildooren?

Arthur: They’re like giant – [gestures with hands, and then sees Merlin’s expression and brings his hands much closer together] – baby rats.

Merlin: Baby rats? They don’t sound so bad –

Arthur: They feast on human flesh.

Merlin: Maybe we should go over the mountains…

[after Merlin realises Arthur did not know if the berries would hide them from the Wildooren]

Arthur: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have risked your life like that.

Merlin: Well. They do say love makes you do strange things…

Arthur: What are you talking about?

Merlin: Why can’t you just admit your feelings for Gwen? [Arthur starts to walk away] It’s so obvious! A blind man could see it! Is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it!

Arthur: I can’t. How can I admit that I think about her all the time? Or that I care about her more than anyone? How can I admit that I don’t know what I’ll do if any harm comes to her?

Merlin: Why can’t you?

Arthur: Because nothing can ever happen between us! To admit my feelings, knowing that… hurts too much.

Lancelot: (To Gwen) I would die for you a thousand times.

Merlin: Look on the bright side: you’ve still got me!

Arthur: Is that supposed to cheer me up?

Merlin: Thought it might.

Arthur: You really are a complete idiot, aren’t you Merlin?

(Gaius, Sir Leon and a number of Knights have called a meeting to tell Uther about Queen Catrina)

Uther: I didn't know we were due a court meeting.

Gaius: Well, we just wanted to make sure you knew, just in case it passed you by. You do know, your wife is a troll, sire?

Uther: What?

Gaius: Well, what with the warts and the -

Sir Leon: The smell.

Gaius: The smell. She also appears to have a set of fangs.

Sir Leon: I wouldn't call them fangs. More like tusks.

Gaius: Yes, they are more like tusks. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. We just thought you should know.

(Gaius and Sir Leon smile)

Uther: The next person to insult Queen Catrina, will be charged with treason and executed.

(Gaius and Sir Leon's smiles fade)

Arthur: (to Merlin) "You have to get out of here, my father has ordered me to arrest you."

Arthur: "Well despited appearances Merlin isn't stupid."

Merlin: (whispering) "Arthur! Arthur!

Arthur: (jumps out of bed, grabbing a sword, unable to see the source of the voice) "Who's there?!"

Merlin: (pops his head out from under bed, grinning) "Merlin!"

Arthur: (jumps) "ah!... (lowers sword) You're back."

Merlin: (still grinning) "I never left!"

Arthur: "You mean to say.."

Merlin: "yes!"

Arthur: "You've been under there, this whole time."

Merlin: (smile vanishes) "No! Of course not, no!"

Arthur: (points sword at him in a threatening manner) "cause if you were..."

Merlin: "I wasn't, I swear!"

Arthur: "Merlin."

Merlin: (turns) ?

Arthur: "I want you to know that, I never doubted you.

Merlin: (looks doubtful)

Arthur:"Alright maybe I did, but it's your own fault. You've a suspicious air about you. Shifty. Like you've for something to hide..."

Merlin: (look of innocence) "I am an open book."

Arthur: "I don't believe that for a second."

Arthur: I am at your disposal, Aredian. The knights will aid you in any way they can.

Aredian: You must be Arthur.

Arthur: I must be.

Aredian: You’re a great warrior – the finest this kingdom has ever known.

Arthur: Thank you.

Aredian: So you won’t be offended when I say that I shall have no need of you, or your knights. The subtle arts of sorcery can only be fought by yet subtler means, methods honed over decades of study. Methods known only to myself.

Merlin: I don’t know what to say.

Gaius: You don’t have to say anything.

Merlin: Yeah, I do… the amulet isn’t mine either.

Gaius: Then how did it get there?

Merlin: Aredian.

Gaius: Aredian?

Merlin: There’s no other explanation.

Gaius: But why?

Merlin: It doesn’t matter why, all that matters is if I can prove he planted it you’re saved –

Gaius: No. You must let this go.

Merlin: No but you’re falsely accused, I have a chance to prove that, I must take that chance –

Gaius: No, Merlin, you must not!

Merlin: I don’t understand. Do you want to die?

Gaius: No – but neither do I want you to die. And die you surely will if you get too close to Aredian. He will trap you, Merlin. He will manipulate you and without ever meaning to you’ll incriminate yourself.

Merlin: But –

Gaius: You must let this go.

Gwen: Arthur! Arthur! Arthur, you’ve got to stop this!

Arthur: I can’t Gwen, you know I can’t.

Gwen: Merlin has proof that Gaius is innocent.

Arthur: My father’s already passed sentence, there’s nothing I can do.

Gwen: You can do the right thing, Arthur Pendragon! You can show some faith in a loyal friend or you can stand by and watch an innocent man die!

Arthur: Guinevere –

Gwen: You did it once before to my father; are you really willing to let it happen again? And you can stop looking at me like that, I know I’m only a servant – I thought you were a prince, so start behaving like one!

Gaius: (to Uther) "You see foes where there are friends, you see sorcerers where there are servants! I am not the first to be falsely accused of magic and not all have been as lucky as I."

Merlin: Uther won’t forgive you if he finds out you’ve collaborated with a sorcerer.

Arthur: What if my father’s attitude to magic is wrong?

Merlin: You really think that?

Arthur: Perhaps it’s not as simple as he would have us believe. Morgause is a sorcerer, she’s caused us no harm. Surely not everyone who practices magic is evil?

Arthur: I'm not a child.

Uther: You are my child.

Arthur: I am indebted to you, Merlin. I had become… confused. It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous – and that is thanks to you.

(Merlin tearing up, on hearing this)

Merlin: Glad I could help.

Merlin: Arthur's thanking me, Uther's grateful, you're proud... I've never been this popular!

Gaius: I'm almost certain it won't last.

Merlin: Just let me enjoy the moment.

Arthur: And what would you know about magic, Merlin?

Merlin: Nothing.

Arthur: "If I don't show up it might be because I don't know where I'm going."

Morgause: "The path you must follow will become clear to you."

Arthur: "Merlin, what are you doing? Lower the rope!"

Merlin: "There is no more rope!!!"

Arthur: "...Merlin. Do not. Let go. Of the rope."

Merlin: (Struggles for a few moments but then looses his grip, falling back. He looks at the window in alarm, and a few moments later there is a loud crash.)

Morgana: "I feel as though I somehow know Morgause"

Gaius: "I don't know how."

Merlin: Breakfast. [makes his way to the door to leave.]

Arthur: [sits up] Oi! Where's the meat, cheese?

Merlin: That’s the new breakfast menu.

Arthur: [picks up food] This isn't enough!

Merlin: We've got to keep you in shape.

Arthur: I'm fighting fit!

Merlin: We want to keep you that way!

Arthur: Merlin! [He throws food at him] is there somewhere you have to be?

Merlin: Of course not.

Arthur: Good. Because I've got some chores for you to do.

Freya: You can't always trust people.

Merlin: I know. That’s why I left home.

Freya: Where is home?

Merlin: Ealdor – it’s a small village – few fields, couple of cows, nothing special.

Freya: My home was next to a lake surrounded by the tallest mountains. In the winter the storms whipped up the water into waves – we thought they were going to crash down and take away all the houses, but in the summer, wild flowers and light, it was like heaven.

Merlin: Sounds perfect.

Freya: It was.

Merlin: Was?

Freya: My family died.

Merlin: You’ve been on your own ever since? [she nods] You're not on your own anymore. I'm going to look after you. I promise.

Freya: You can't look after me. No one can.

Merlin: I don’t think you understand. [takes her hand in his] I've never known anyone like you.

The Great Dragon: (To Merlin) I have lived for over a thousand years. Do not believe that you can lie to me.

Merlin: Being different is nothing to be scared of. [They kiss, a single tear running down Merlin's cheek]

Merlin: We're going to get you out of here, out of Camelot.

Freya: How?

Merlin: Get you some clothes , disguise you . What's wrong?

Freya: It's just, I'm going to miss you.

Merlin: No you won't because I'm going to come with you.

Freya: What?

Merlin: I told you, I'm going to look after you.

Freya: You can't, don’t say that.

Merlin: It's not what you want?

Freya: Merlin, you have a good life here. My life is... I have to keep moving, always looking over my shoulder, people chasing me.

Merlin: Then we'll go somewhere where nobody knows us, somewhere far away. [pause] You haven’t given me your answer.

Freya: I want that more than anything. [both smile] Where will we go?

Merlin: Somewhere with mountains.

Freya: A few fields.

Merlin: Wild flowers.

Freya: A couple of cows.

Merlin: And a lake.

Freya: And a lake.

Merlin: I am so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you.

Freya: Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for.

Merlin: There must be something I can do, someway to save you.

Freya: You’ve already saved me, you made me feel loved.

Merlin: I don’t want you to go.

Freya: One day, Merlin, I will repay you. I promise. [her eyes close]

Merlin: Freya. [he hugs her body to him]

Arthur: Something's been upsetting you, hasn't it.

Merlin: Maybe

Arthur: Was it when I threw water at you?

Merlin: Wasn't very nice.

Arthur: It was a bit unfair... Like when you called me "fat".

Merlin: Why was that unfair?

Arthur: Cause I am not!

Merlin: (just smirks)

Arthur:...(without warning grabs Merlin in a headlock, rubbing the top of his head with his fist) Still think I need to get in shape?

Merlin: (struggling to get away) No, no no no!

Arthur:(releases him)

Merlin: (laughs)

Arthur: That's better.

Merlin: "You could never understand. Do you know how it feels, to be a monster? To be afraid of who you are?"

Gaius: "Where's the girl?"

Merlin: "She's gone. She's dead."

Arthur:I need your help in.. expressing, my feelings.

Merlin: ...of course.

Arthur:

Merlin:

Arthur: Well? How do I express my feelings?

Merlin: Oh! Oh I see, right. Uhm. Feelings.

Arthur: Feelings.

Merlin: Girls.

Arthur: Girls.

Merlin: Flowers?

Vivian: It's written in the stars, Vivian and Arthur, a love throughout time, a love... stronger than time, a love...

(Merlin knocks Vivian unconcious with magic)

Merlin: I may have caused a problem. Although, it wasn't entirely my doing.

Gaius: What now Merlin.

Merlin: Arthur's in love.

Gaius: And how did you cause that?

Merlin: That bit isn't my fault, the other bit is.

Merlin: I have proof.

Arthur: Proof?

Merlin: You kissed her. In the tent. (says this smugly)

Arthur: Merlin.

Merlin: Yes?

Arthur: What happened in the tent,

Merlin: mnhm?

Arthur: Speak of it again and I'll kill you.

Merlin: ...right.

Merlin: You know what they say, good food takes time to prepare.

Arthur: And this taste sensation took exactly how long?

Merlin: Nearly five minutes.

Arthur: Really? Five minutes?

Merlin: You need that long you see. To let it thicken.

The Great Dragon: (To Merlin) The old prophecies speak of an evil alliance between Mordred and Morgana. Together they will bring great evil. This alliance must be stopped. Whatever the cost.

(During the battle, Merlin sees Mordred running away. To stop him using The Crystal of Neahtid, Merlin uses magic to release a branch which trips up Mordred. Mordred turns and sees Merlin.)

Mordred: (Telepathically) I shall never forgive this Emrys. And I shall never forget.

(Mordred runs off)

Morgana: From this day forward I do not know you. From this day forward, I disown you.

Uther: You will go to your chambers!

Morgana: And you Uther, you will go to hell.

Gaius: There is no power on this earth that can know all possible futures. Even the crystal.

Merlin: But what I saw... it was so real.

Gaius: It was real. But it was just one reality. The future is as yet unshaped, it is we that shape it. It is you merlin, and the decisions you make, The actions you take. Remember that.

[Merlin and Arthur are discussing how to hide an unconscious Uther.]

Merlin: Why don't we disguise him?

Arthur: That might just work..

Merlin: We can dress him up as a woman.

Arthur: That, on the other hand...

Merlin: We can dress him up as a servant.

Arthur: THAT'S better.

Arthur: If I need a servant in the next life...

Merlin: Don't ask me.

(Merlin goes to see The Great Dragon, who is pretending to sleep)

Merlin: Hello! Oh, no. Not you too. Come on. I know you're listening.

The Great Dragon: I don't need to listen to you, Merlin. You always say the same thing; 'Help me'. However you fail to help others. You failed to heed my words before. Camelot's fall is nigh, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Merlin: I swear on my mother's life, that I will free you. (hesitant)

The Great Dragon: Careful what you say, Merlin! You care for your mother more than your own life. I believe this is a promise you'll keep.

(Merlin is in turmoil after poisoning Morgana)

Gaius: You did the right thing.

Merlin: How can you say that? She was your friend too.

Gaius: Yes. However, I fear that unlike you, she has decided not to use her gifts for good.

Morgana: (to Merlin) You're a good friend,

Merlin: You mentioned, you spoke of Ealdor. You took refuge with a woman.

Balinor: That was a long time ago.

Merlin: I grew up there.

Balinor: Ealdor?

Merlin: Yes. I know the woman.

Balinor: Hunith? She's still alive?

Merlin: Yes, she’s my mother.

Balinor: She married. That’s good.

Merlin: She never married. I'm your son.

Balinor: I don’t know what it is to have a son.

Merlin: Or I a father.

Arthur: Merlin, if I die, please..

Merlin: What?

Arthur: The dragonlord today. I saw you. [pause] One thing I tell all my young knights - no man is worth your tears.

Merlin: Yeah. You're certainly not.

Arthur: Are you really going to face this dragon with me?

Merlin: I'm not gonna sit here and watch. I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel, but... I care a hell of a lot about that armour. I'm not gonna let you mess it up.

Balinor: There is a place called Ealdor.

Merlin: Yes.

Balinor: I had a life there. A woman... A good woman. Ealdor is beyond Uther's realm but still he pursued me. Why would he not let me be? What was it that I had done, that he wanted to destroy the life I'd built, abandon the woman I loved? He sent Knights to kill me. I was forced to come here... to this. So... I understand how Kilgharrah feels. He's lost every one of his kind, every one of his kin. You want to know how that feels? Look around, boy. Let Uther die. Let Camelot fall.

Merlin: You want everyone in Camelot to die?

Balinor: Why should I care?

Merlin: What if one of them was your son?

Balinor: I don't have a son.

Merlin: And if I told you...

Balinor: When you face the Dragon... remember... be strong. A dragon's heart is on its right side, not its left.

Merlin: I can't do it alone.

Balinor: Listen to me. You are my son. I've seen enough in you to know you will make me proud.

Merlin: I felt him there with me, Gaius.

Gaius: He will always be with you.

Merlin: I hope so.

Gaius: Merlin, I know I can never compare with your father, but for what it's worth... you've still got me.

Merlin: Well, I suppose I'll just have to make do.

Arthur: You're a riddle Merlin

Merlin: A riddle?

Arthur:Yes, but I've grown to quite like you.

Merlin: (picks up a sword)

Arthur:What are you doing?

Merlin: I'm coming with you.

Arthur:Merlin, chances are I'm going to die.

Merlin: yeah, yeah you probably would if I wasn't there.

Arthur: Right.

Merlin: Do you know how many times I've had to save your royal backside?

Arthur: Well at least you've got your sense of humor back.

Merlin: Do you think we should be going after them?

Arthur: You are such a girls petticoat.

Gaius: This is madness. She has been missing for more than a year now. When are you going to stop?

Uther: When Morgana is found.

Merlin: I've been on a horse all day!

Arthur: What, is your little bottom sore?

Merlin: Yes. It's not as fat as yours.

Arthur: You know, you've got a lot of nerve for a wimp.

Merlin: Well I may be a wimp, but at least I'm not a... dollop-head.

Arthur: There's no such word.

Merlin: It's idiomatic!

Arthur: It's what?

Merlin: You need to be more in touch with the people.

Arthur: Describe dollop-head?

Merlin: In two words?

Arthur: Yeah.

Merlin: Prince Arthur.

Merlin: What do you think Uther will do to me?

Gaius: Let's just wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Morgana: No, no. That's all that I've done for the past year, sit. And pray that you hadn't given up one me.

Uther: Never!

Morgana: I don't know why, I wouldn't blame you.

Morgana: [To Uther] I promise you, that in the future I will give you the love and respect you deserve.

Morgause: The tears of Uther Pendragon have only begun to fall.

Uther: Standing here, seeing so many happy faces... it almost seems like a dream. I can tell you, I have not felt like this in a long time.

Arthur: What, drunk?

Uther: Drunk with happiness!

Arthur: Yes well you are the expert of fighting with your eyes closed.

Merlin: You didn't see what I did when we rescued Morgana

Arthur: Because you were hiding behind a tree

Merlin: No, I was not.

Arthur: (raises eyebrows) I'm not going to use the blindfold, I'm just going to fight like Merlin here. (holds sword in both hand, knees together, eyes shut and whimpering) I'm Merlin, don't hurt me, don't hurt me!

Merlin: It is your fate to be the greatest King Camelot has ever known, and your victory today will be remembered for every age until the end of time.

Arthur: There are times, Merlin, when you display a sort of - I don't know what it is. I want to say- it's not wisdom. But yes, that's what it is. Don't look so pleased, the rest of the time you look like a complete idiot.

The Great Dragon:[about Morgana] She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.

Gwen: Worry is not a wise council.

Merlin: Look at what you've got.

Arthur: What?-

Merlin: You... and me.

Arthur: Merlin, what exactly are you going to do?

Merlin: I'm going to be at your side - like I always am, protecting you.

Arthur: God help me.

Morgana: You should leave now while you still can.

Merlin: Morgana, please, I'm begging you. Women and children are dying. The city will fall.

Morgana: Good.

Merlin: No, you don't mean that.

Morgana: I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me. Why should I feel any differently about him?

Merlin: You of all people could change Uther's mind. Doing this, using magic like this, will only harden his heart.

Morgana: You don't have magic, Merlin! How can you hope to understand?

Merlin: I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts I would harness them for good- that's what magic is [for;] that's why you were born with these powers.

Morgana: You don't know what it's like to be an outsider! To be ashamed of how you were born; to hide who you are. Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am?

Merlin: No. This doesn't have to be like this. We could find another way.

Morgana: There is no other way.

Gwen:[Has just discovered Arthur with donkey ears] What's happened to you?

[Arthur brays incoherently, gesturing to his ears]

Gwen: Did Gaius do this to you?

[Arthur brays affirmatively]

Gwen: He's a goblin!

[Arthur brays 'duh!']

Merlin: Arthur's a donkey.

Gwen: He has the ears of a donkey. And the voice. H-he's braying.

Merlin: [nods] He's braying, yeah. [Clears his throat then laughs]

Gwen: [laughs a bit] It's not funny Merlin

Merlin: No. No no, Arthur is a donkey, what's funny about that? [laughs more]

Gwen: He looked so pitiful! I've never seen Arthur look like that.

Gaius: I can see deep into your heart. It is cold, cold as stone. You play at being Uther’s loving ward. You play it so well you’ve fooled him but you don’t fool me. You would see Uther dead and Camelot destroyed.

Morgana: Why would you say such a thing?

Gaius: Because it’s the truth. There is evil in your heart.

Arthur: You know what you need after a hard day's hunt?

Merlin: Sleep.

Arthur: A nice cold tankard of mead.

Merlin: Mead. [Disbelievingly]

[Merlin shakes head, and follows on horse]

Arthur: [Adjusting horse straps] There's no better place to measure the mood of your people, than the local tavern.

Merlin: This is one of those moments where I tell you something isn't a good idea and you ignore me, isn't it?

Arthur: You're learning Merlin slowly, but, you're learning. [Pause] Now remember, in here, you're not my servant, I'm just a simple peasant like everyone else.

[Merlin nods sceptically, turns]

Merlin: The simple part's right.

Arthur: What?

Merlin: I said the sun is very bright.

Arthur: [Looks around] Yeah, yeah it is.

Serving Lady: Afternoon, what'll it be?

Arthur: Ah...

Serving Lady: Mmm, you're a handsome fellow

Arthur: Well, you wouldn't be the first to say it.

Serving Lady: Oh no, sorry, I was talkin' about your friend here.

Arthur: Him? [Looking at Merlin incredulously]

Merlin: Thank you!

Arthur: [Flatly] Two tankards of mead, please.

Merlin: I was wrong. Coming here was a great idea.

[Thug comes in and threatens serving lady]

Arthur: Take your hands, off her.

[Thug turns and throws punch (Arthur dodges)]

Thug: I'm gonna make you pay for that.

Merlin: [At table, laughs] I'd like to see you try.

[Thug turns, calls in more thugs]

Arthur: [Through clenched teeth] You had to open your big mouth, didn't you, Merlin?

Gwaine: [Walks up to Thug] You two have got your selves in a bit of a pickle, haven't you?

Arthur: You should get out of here while you have the chance.

Gwaine: You're probably right. [Takes drink, offers tankard to thug, smiles, punches thug in the face]

Gwaine: Pass the jug. [Merlin grabs jug, Gwaine takes drink, turns punches a thug]

Gwaine: What do they call you then?

Merlin: Merlin.

Gwaine: [Shake hands] Gwaine, pleasure to meet you. [Merlin begins to yell "Watch out!" Gwaine turns smashes jug in the face of opponent, turns to Merlin]

Gwaine: Such a waste, huh?

[Gwaine struggles against armed guards]

Gwaine: [To the king] Nobility is defined by what you do, and not by who you are, and these men ... are anything but.

Arthur: You look like a startled stoat.

Merlin: Yeah? Well, at least I don't look like a bone idle...toad. Let's go.

Arthur: Are you saying I look like a toad?

Merlin: Yeah, and maybe one day you'll magically transform into a handsome prince...just magic's outlawed, that'll probably never happen. Come on, let's go.

Arthur: Merlin! [Merlin turns] I'm the one who gives the orders, remember?

Merlin: Yeah. [pause] You ready? Let's go.

Merlin: I've brought you your ceremonial sword.

Arthur: Is that for me to fall on?

Merlin: Hopefully not. What's wrong?

Arthur: You wouldn't understand, Merlin. You have no idea what it's like to have a destiny... you can't escape.

Merlin: Destinies are troublesome things. You feel trapped? Like your whole life has been planned out for you and you've got no control over anything and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all.

Arthur: How come you're so knowledgeable?

Merlin: I read a book.

Arthur: And what would this book tell you? Should I marry her?

Merlin: It's not really my place to say, sire.

Arthur: I'm asking you, it's your job to answer.

Merlin: If you really want to know what I think? I think you're mad. I think you're all mad. People should marry for love, not convenience. And if Uther thinks an unhappy king makes for a stronger kingdom, then he's wrong because you may be destined to rule Camelot but you have a choice... as to how you do it.

Elena: I hope in time we will both find the love we deserve. Until then, if you ever feel like being beaten in a horse race, you'll know where to find me.

Arthur: I thought I told you to ride for Camelot?

Gwen : You may be a prince but I don't always have to do what you tell me to.
Arthur: You know what your problem is? All talk, and no trousers!

Morgana: What do you want, Merlin?

Merlin: Arthur sent me. He wanted me to make sure that you were OK.

Morgana: How very thoughtful of him.

Merlin: Well, he cares for you, you know. And Gwen too. They're your friends, Morgana. They've always been loyal to you.

Morgana: Why are you telling me this?

Merlin: Because I don't understand how anyone would want to hurt their friends.

Morgana: No, you just poison them. You'd do well, Merlin, to stay out of things that do not concern you.

Merlin: Oh, but they do concern me, because they're my friends too, and I'll do whatever it takes... to protect them.

Morgana: I would expect nothing less.

Morgana: You look troubled, sire.

Uther: He is sole heir to the throne, Morgana.

Morgana: Don't worry. I'm certain a Pendragon will rule over Camelot for a long time to come.

Grettir: Who is it that wishes to cross my bridge?

Arthur: A knight... on a quest to find the trident of the Fisher King.

Grettir: Then you must be Courage.

Arthur: No, I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot.

Grettir: I'm Grettir. I have to say, you're not as short as I thought you would be. Before I let you pass, I'll give you a little advice. As Courage, there are two more things you will need to complete your quest - Strength and Magic.

Arthur: I don't condone the use of magic.

Grettir: You'd be wise not to dismiss it so freely. The rules in the land you are heading to are quite different to those in the world you know.

[Wyverns roar in the distance]

Merlin: What was that?

Gwaine: A pheasant.

Merlin: A pheasant?

Gwaine: A very big one.

Arthur: Now, I'm sure if we can just reach in here... [insects crawl out], we'll be able to find something to release the door.

Gwaine: Go on, then. Don't be such a princess. This is your quest, after all.

Merlin: Did you go out last night?

Gaius: Yes, I had to get some herbs.

Merlin: Herbs...?

Gaius: A... A new supplier just arrived.

Merlin: Right... Do your suppliers normally kiss you?

Gaius: You followed me. How dare you!

Arthur: By the sacred laws vested in me... I pronounce you, Guinevere, Queen of Camelot.

Merlin: How did Uther know where to find you?

Arthur: I don't know, you were the only person who knew where we were.

Merlin: I didn't tell him.

Arthur: Oh, maybe something you said gave it away.

Merlin: I didn't say anything.

Arthur: You know, Merlin, you couldn't keep a secret if your life depended on it!

Merlin: You'd be surprised!

Arthur: What's that supposed to mean?

Merlin: ... Nothing.

(Old) Merlin: And you, oh I've heard how you...mistreat your servants! They do everything for you but they don't have any thanks! You are an arrogant prat, with the brain of a donkey and a face of a toad!

(Old) Merlin: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

Arthur: [Enters prison cell] It's time. [Guards grab Merlin.]

(Old) Merlin: Wait!

Arthur: What is it?

(Old) Merlin: There...are...other crimes I wish to confess. [Chuckles]

Arthur: [Looks puzzled] What difference does it make? You're...about to be burnt at the stake, we can't execute you twice.

Arthur: Merlin? Where's the sorcerer?

Merlin: He went... He went that way.

Arthur: Sound the warning bell, search the entire palace. I want him found. Are you telling me, you let him run straight past you?

Merlin: He was... too fast for me.

Arthur: He's a doddery old man! This is what happens when you spend all day in the tavern.

Merlin: What?!

Arthur: Perhaps mucking out my horses will help sober you up.

Arthur: The only rule is- there are no rules.

Merlin: How are you feeling?

Arthur: Confident.

Merlin: You're sure?

Arthur: Yes.

Merlin: The last time this tournament was held, [whispers] three men died.

Arthur: Really?

Merlin: That was just on the first day.

Arthur: Thank you for that, Merlin.

Merlin: Then on that second day...

Arthur: Let's just get through the first.

Merlin: You're right- because that's when the most people die.

Arthur: Merlin?

Merlin: Yes?

Arthur: Shut up.

Gili: I've never killed a man before. I just wanted to feel... what it was like. To be respected. Point is, I'm not a killer. This isn't me.

Merlin: You need to withdraw.

Gili: I'm going to.

Merlin: It's lonely... to be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To... to be special and have to pretend that you're a fool. I know how it feels... I understand.

Arthur: What am I going to do, Merlin? If I fight my father tomorrow, the way I can, I'll show him up, I'll humiliate him in front of his people. Or worse, I could even wound him or kill him.

Merlin: He's not going to back down, is he? He's determined to prove himself. If he doesn't win.

Arthur: You don't have to put up with the gloating. Do you have any idea what is feels like to live with a man who constantly thinks he's the best?

Merlin: Mmh, it's a bit irritating...

Uther: I have followed your progress with a sword since you were a boy. I know your abilities better than anyone. I am eternally grateful. I hope that when you are King and have sons of your own, that they will afford you the same honour. Indeed, the most satisfying outcome of the tournament is that Arthur's actions have shown me that he is now truly ready to be king.

Arthur: You will be ready by sunrise, won't you, Merlin?

Merlin: If I don't know where we're going, how do I know what to pack? Will it be hot, will it be cold, will it be wet, will it be dry?

Arthur: Don't be such a girl, Merlin, we're not going on holiday.

Merlin: Holiday, what's a holiday?

Merlin: You don't know where we're going?

Arthur: No, Merlin, I know where we're going. I just can't tell you, that's all.

Merlin: Right, 'cause if you do you'll have to kill me, I suppose.

Arthur: Immediately and without hesitation.

Merlin: ... Great. It'll be a surprise, I love surprises, who doesn't love a good ... surprise?

Cenred: Are you threatening me?

Morgause: Trust me, Cenred, when I am threatening you, you'll know about it.

Gwaine: Back in the arena, I had you bang to rights, did I not?

Arthur: That... was just a game.

Gwaine: Oh, a game? Right. I won that game, did I not?

Arthur: No, you didn't. One more minute...

Merlin: One more minute and you both would have been dead! Neither of you won. Your plan was a half-baked disaster and if it was not for that fire, we would all be pushing up daisies.

Arthur: Actually, we were on a quest.

Merlin: We're looking for the Cup of Life. [Arthur slaps him on the head] What?!

Arthur: What part of the word "secret" did you not understand?

Merlin: It's... Gwaine.

Gwaine: Gentlemen, gentlemen. It seems - whatever it is that you're after - you could use a little help.

Arthur: Merlin, for once, leave me in peace. Please.

Merlin: I understand. Your father lied to you about Morgana - I don't know why, I'm sure he had his reasons - but now is not the time for that. He is still your father. He needs you. Camelot needs you.

Arthur: I've known her all my life. How could she do this to us?

Merlin: I can't answer that. But you have a duty to your father, to your people... You can't give up on them now.

Arthur: We cannot defeat an immortal army.

Merlin: We don't know until we try.

Arthur: Here. Come and join me. [Everyone stops what they are doing and sits down around the Round Table.] This table belonged to the Ancient Kings of Camelot. The Round Table afforded no one man more importance than the other. They believed in equality above all things, so it seems fitting that we revive this tradition now. Without each of you, we would not be here. My father has languished in prison too long. Tomorrow, I make my bit to rescue him. Are there any around this round table who will join me?"

Lancelot: [Lancelot rises] You taught me the values of being a Knight, the code by which a man should live his life, to fight with honour, for justice, freedom, and all that's good. I believe in the world you will build.

Elyan: Even though I was a commoner and a nobody, you were willing to lay down your life for me, Arthur. It is now my time to repay you.

Sir Leon: have fought alongside you many times. There is no other person I would rather die for.

Gwaine: I think we've no chance- but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Percival: Your enemies are my enemies.

Gaius: If you need an old man...

Gwen: You know the answer.

Arthur: Merlin?

Merlin: No, I don't really fancy it.

Arthur: You don't have a choice, Merlin.

Merlin: [Stands up, smiles at Arthur, and nods.]

Arthur: I want to thank you all for staying with me in Camelot's hour of need. I'll do something my father wouldn't approve of. [He knights Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan.]

Arthur: Tomorrow when you fight, you can stand proud, knowing you are members of the most noble army the world has ever known.

Lancelot: What are you planning? And don't even think about lying--I know you too well.

Merlin: It's too difficult to explain.

Lancelot: Tell me.

Merlin: Morgana has the Cup of Life. If I can find it and empty the blood within it, the army will be destroyed and Morgana will be powerless.

Lancelot: Aren't you forgetting something? It's guarded by an immortal army.

Merlin: Aren't you forgetting something- I have magic.

Lancelot: Doesn't make you immortal.

Merlin: No.

Lancelot: You know Merlin, you're the one Arthur should knight. You're the bravest of them all and he doesn't even know it.

Merlin: [Looking at Freya's image in the waters of Avalon.] No.... Freya?

Freya: I missed you.

Merlin: No-

Freya: Merlin, we don't have long.

Merlin: Is it really you?

Freya: [Nods slightly and smiles] I swore that one day I would repay you. Now is the moment.

Elyan: Gwaine? Are you alive?

Gwaine: [From inside the tunnel] What do you think? [The knights smile, relieved and Gwaine steps out of the tunnel] And that's Sir Gwaine to you.

Gaius: You're very good to him, Gwen.

Gwen: I don't do it for him. I do it for Arthur.

The Cailleach: I am the Cailleach, the Gate Keeper to the Spirit World. You have torn the veil between the worlds. [A Dorocha screams from the tear in the worlds behind the Calilleach]. The Dorocha- they are the voices of the Dead, my child. Like the Dead, they are numberless. You are right to be afraid, Morgana, your enemies will woe this day and all the destruction it brings, but you must be prepared. Tearing the veil between these two worlds has created a new world, and you will not walk through it alone. The one they call Emrys will walk in your shadow. He is your destiny and he is your doom.

Gwen: Will you grant me a favour?

Lancelot: Anything.

Gwen: Look after him. Bring him home.

Lancelot: I will protect him with my life. You have my promise.

Gwen: Thank you.

Arthur: Merlin, do you need your comfort blanket?

Merlin: What do you mean?

Arthur: You're making me edgy.

[Horse whinnies]

Arthur: That's a horse.

Merlin: Maybe it sensed something.

Arthur: Yes, that you're a clotpole.

Merlin: That's my word.

Arthur: Yeah, and it suits you perfectly.

Merlin: You're not scared?

Arthur: Oh, I am, Merlin. Maybe more than you.

Merlin: It's my destiny to protect Arthur.

Gaius: How? Your magic is powerless against the Dorocha.

Merlin: Then I must sacrifice myself in his place.

Gaius: No.

Merlin: My life has been marked out by destiny. If this is meant to be... I'm not afraid. I will gladly die, Gaius, knowing that one day... Albion will live.

[About the Dorocha]

Sir Gwaine: We are literally chasing shadows.

Merlin: My magic is useless against them. I've tried. I've never felt so powerless. Something deep inside... and when it came for me, I felt this emptiness... I couldn't breathe. I'm scared.

Gaius: Merlin. It's all right. It's not your fault.

Arthur: You're a brave man Merlin, between battles.

Merlin: You all right?

Arthur: It's cold.

Merlin: Right.

Arthur: You're not feeling it?

[Merlin shakes his head.]

Arthur: You know, Merlin- you're braver than they give you credit for.

Merlin: Really, was that so difficult?

Arthur: That was stupid.

[They both laugh.]

Arthur: You know, they say the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

Merlin: It's pretty dark right now.

Arthur: It won't be long, now.

Arthur: All the things I've faced...I've never worried about dying.

Merlin: I don't think you should now.

Arthur: Sometimes you puzzle me.

Merlin: You never fathomed me out?

Arthur: ...No.

Merlin: I always thought, if things had been different, we would have been good friends.

Arthur: Yeah.

Arthur: [About Merlin dying] This is my fault... and I'm sorry.

Merlin: [Struggles to talk] Take me with you... please.

Arthur: You'd die, Merlin.

Merlin: You don't understand... please, Arthur.

Arthur: Do you ever do as you're told?

Merlin: I have to come with you.

Arthur: Merlin...

Sir Lancelot: We need to leave.

Sir Gwaine: Do you hear that?

Sir Leon: Bees?

Sir Gwaine: Food!

Sir Leon: You're quiet.

Arthur: That's what happens after three days listening to Gwaine.

Sir Leon: [Smiles at the joke before turning serious again] You did the right thing, you know? Merlin couldn't continue with us.

Arthur: I should've saved him.

Sir Gwaine: Remind me again why we're wearing this disgusting paste?

Arthur: Wilddeoren are completely blind. They rely totally on their sense of smell. Gaia berries will mask our scent.

Sir Gwaine: What are the chances of us not seeing a wilddeoren?

Arthur: None.

Sir Lancelot: [Confused at Merlin's recovery] You're meant to be... dying.

Merlin: Sorry.

Merlin: You don't have to continue on this journey with me, you know?

Sir Lancelot: [Chuckles] Try and stop me.

Merlin: Why? Because you're a knight, you feel honour-bound?

Sir Lancelot: You wouldn't understand. It doesn't make any sense to me either.

Merlin: Gwen?

Sir Lancelot: I made her a vow I would keep Arthur safe.

Merlin: You don't have to worry. I'll keep him safe.

Merlin: [About Gwen] You still think about her?

Sir Lancelot: No. Arthur's a better man than me.

Merlin: I'm sorry.

Sir Lancelot: Why? He loves her... and she's happy.

The Great Dragon: [To Merlin] Who is your friend?

Sir Lancelot: I am Lancelot.

The Great Dragon: Of course, Sir Lancelot. The bravest and most noble of them all.

Sir Lancelot: I'm not sure that is true.

The Great Dragon: We shall see.

Merlin: Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the veil. It is my destiny is to protect him, you taught me that.

The Great Dragon: Merlin, you must not do this.

Merlin: I have no choice. I must take his place.

The Great Dragon: From the moment I met you, I saw something that was invisible. Now it is there for all to see.

Merlin: A lot of what you see, old friend... is what you taught me.

The Great Dragon: It will be an empty world without you, young warlock.

Sir Lancelot: When we get to the Isle of the Blessed, do you really intend to sacrifice yourself?

Merlin: What do you want me to say?

Sir Lancelot: I look at you and I wonder about myself. Could I knowingly give up my life for something?

Merlin: You have to have a reason. Something you care about. Something that's more important than anything.

[Gwaine takes off his boots and socks]

Sir Elyan: [Gagging] Has something died?

Sir Gwaine: Why am I always the butt?

Sir Leon: Can't think.

[Sir Elyan and Sir Leon get up and sit down on the other side of the fire with Arthur and Sir Percival]

Sir Gwaine: Pick on Percival.

Sir Percival: Why me?

Sir Elyan: He washes.

Sir Leon: [Gesturing to where Sir Gwaine's sock has caught fire] And he doesn't set fire to his socks.

Sir Gwaine: [Grabbing the sock and trying to extinguish the flame] Ah, no!

Arthur: Lancelot? How's Merlin?

Sir Lancelot: Bad news... [Sighs deeply] He's still alive.

Merlin: You don't have to sacrifice yourself.

Arthur: I have to save my people.

Merlin: I will take your place.

Arthur: Merlin...

Merlin: What is the life of a servant, compared to that of a prince?

Arthur: A good servant's hard to come by.

Merlin: I'm not that good.

Arthur: True.

Arthur: Look after Guinevere. I want her to be happy in her life. She deserves that.

Merlin: Don't worry. I'll make sure.

The Cailleach: So, Emrys, you choose to challenge me after all. Will you give yourself to the spirits to save your prince?

Merlin: It is my destiny.

The Cailleach: Perhaps. But your time among men is not yet over, Emrys, even if you want it to be.

[Lancelot walks towards the veil, looks back at Merlin and smiles. The Dorocha scream. Lancelot turns around and walks through the veil.]

Merlin: No! No! No!

Arthur: [Before Sir Lancelot's funeral pyre'] I want to pay tribute to Sir Lancelot. We owe him a great debt. But it is not just his deeds that we will never forget. It is his courage, his compassion, his unselfish heart. He was the most noble knight I will ever know. He gave his life for all of us.

Gwen: [To Arthur, crying] He didn't sacrifice himself for Camelot. I asked him to look after you and he promised me with his life. He was true to his word.

Merlin: Oh! Did you see that?

Arthur: It's a man throwing sticks in the air.

Merlin: What's wrong? It's your birthday! A huge feast is being held in your honor. You've got dancers, jugglers and acrobats to entertain you. ... It must be a terrible burden.

Arthur: Perhaps I'm less easily impressed than you.

Merlin: I'm really looking forward to it.

Arthur: Because you have the mind of a child. [Arthur leaves the room]

Merlin: Well, I'm still more intelligent than you.

Arthur: I heard that.

Merlin: You're telling me you weren't even a little bit scared?

[Arthur is starting to become affected by the sedatives in the apple]

Arthur: Of course I wasn't. I'm a warrior. You learn to control your fear, to...[He partly crashes into a wall]

Merlin: You looked scared.

Arthur: It's good to see my father enjoying himself. He went a little quiet towards the end there. Perhaps I should go see him.

Merlin: Are you sure that's a good idea? You can barely stand up.

Arthur: Are you saying I'm drunk?

Merlin: No, I'm just saying, you shouldn't be wandering around the palace.

Arthur: And why is that?

Merlin: You're not wearing any trousers.

Arthur: All I know for sure is that I’ve lost both my parents to magic. It is pure evil and I’ll never lose sight of that again.

Arthur: Merlin. It's a new day. [Merlin rises.] You've been here all night?

Merlin: I didn't want you to feel that you were alone.

Arthur: You're a loyal friend, Merlin.

Arthur: What on earth are you doing?

Merlin: Er... checking for woodworms.

Arthur: Before breakfast?

Merlin: That is when the worms are most active.

Arthur: Get out.

Borden: Tell me, Merlin, would you say you're a good liar?

Merlin: When I need to be.

(Borden punches him in the face and knocks him out at the door to the castle vaults, while he escapes)

Borden: You're gonna to need to be!

Caerleon: Trapped, are we?
(Arrow whizzes and hit on one of Caerleon's men who drops to the ground)
Merlin: That's the idea.

Merlin: You seen tense.
Arthur: What do you mean, tense?
Merlin: You know! Agitated, on edge, angry.
Arthur: this is not anger...Merlin. This is control and grasp.
Merlin: Great! Glad we cleared that up.

Morgana: "Good morning."
Merlin: "Is it?"
Morgana: "Awh. Don't be like that.We have a lot of catching up to do. After all, I haven't seen you since you condemned my sister to a slow and painful death, thwarted my plans to take over Camelot, and forced me to live in a hovel."
Merlin: "Can you do me a favor? Can you? Let Arthur know that he still thinks of me as an under-achiever, but I am quite proud of those achievements. I can die happy."

Gaius: "Merlin, are you alright?"
Merlin: "I am pacing."
Gaius: "Yes, I can see that."
Merlin: "A man who is alright does not pace, Giaus."
Gaius: "Yes. That is why I ask."
Merlin: "I am wrestling with a problem and there are many factors to take into consideration, and I have not yet come up with a solution."
Gaius: "Can I be of assistance?"
Merlin: "No."
Gaius: "Would you like to share the problem with me?"
Merlin: "No."
Gaius: "Sometimes two heads are better than one."
Merlin: "Yes, but not when one of them's yours.

Merlin: "Oh yeah. That will do the job nicely."
Sir Leon: "Err. What is the job exactly?"
Merlin: "To kill Arthur."
Sir Leon: "Driving you mad, is he?"
Merlin: "Not for much longer."

Merlin:"Have you got Ale in your ears?"
Merlin:"Percival, that is a sword you know, it does hurt!"
Elyan:"Are You threatening our King?
Merlin: "Leon, isn't there something in the knight's code about how to treat an old man?!?"

Arthur: The routes are secret, Merlin. That's why we chose it.
(Mercenaries cry as they attack them)
Merlin: Not so secret after all.
Arthur:(Getting ready for the fight)No need to get cocky!

Arthur: You're not going to die, Merlin. Don't be such a coward.
Merlin: If I do die, will you call me a hero?
Arthur: Probably.
Merlin: But whilst I'm still alive, I'm a coward.
Arthur: That's the way these things work, I'm afraid. You get the glory when you're not around to appreciate it!
Merlin: Unless you're the King.
Arthur: Come on, it's got to have some advantages.

Merlin: Up you get.
Arthur: What for?
Merlin: A bath.
Arthur: Where's breakfast?
Merlin: Say 'ah'.
Arthur: Ah...
(Merlin stuffs some pastry in Arthur's mouth)
Arthur:(Muffled)Merlin!(He spits it out)

Gaius: Might I make a suggestion, Sire? Why not send Merlin in my place?
Arthur: Merlin?
Gaius: He has a knowledge of the healing arts. If the diagnosis is straightforward he can prescribe a remedy.
Arthur: And what if it isn't?
Gaius: Then he can bring his findings to me.
Arthur: Findings? Merlin can't find his own backside most of the time.
Gaius: I think he is capable of much more than you imagine, Sire.
Arthur: You really think he will be able to handle the responsibility?
Gaius: Yes, Sire, I do.

Merlin: Do you really think I can do this, Gaius?
Gaius: I know you can.
Merlin: But I'm not a Physician. I don't have the knowledge you do.
· Gaius: You've been working with me for many years. I suspect you know more than you think.
Merlin: I just do what you tell me to do, I don't have to make the decisions myself. These people will be putting their lives in my hands.
Gaius: I put my life in your hands every day, Merlin. As does Arthur and Gwen and all of Camelot, though they may not know it. You are the one who holds the fate of this kingdom in the balance.
Merlin: That's different. That doesn't require a lifetime of learning, just...
Gaius: Intelligence? Courage? Compassion? All I know is I have every faith in you

Merlin:(Startled)Gwaine!
Sir Gwaine: Sorry. Call of nature.
Merlin: I could have killed you!
Sir Gwaine: With a fishing rod? Sir Gwaine was slain with a fishing rod.
(Merlin laughs)
Sir Gwaine: That's the stuff of legends, eh?
(Both laugh)

Arthur: I have made a decision and I felt it only right to inform you right away, though I fear you are not going to like what I have to say. I am going to marry Guinevere.
Merlin:(Dropping an armour piece that clatters against the ground)Sorry!
Arthur: That is, if she says 'yes'.

Arthur: Guinevere has proved herself a valuable support and shrewd counsellor these past few months.
Agravaine: You don't need a woman for support, Sire. I am your counsel.
Arthur: I fear you have rather too much stubble to be my wife.
(Merlin snickers)
Arthur: Good counsel, solid support, they're exactly what I need. I don't want a queen who spends her days floating around the castle, agreeing with my every word. The people do not want that either. So I have made up my mind. I want Guinevere to be my queen, and I want you to accept her as such.

Sir Elyan: Who drank all my water?
(Gwaine burps)
Arthur: I believe you have your answer.

Merlin: Are you all right?
Arthur: What do you mean?
Merlin: You're very quiet. You didn't say a word on the way home.
Arthur: It's called thinking, Merlin. You should really try it some time.

Merlin: I'm not saying it's inappropriate, you're the King, I'm not, it's your choice, no doubt. It could hardly be my choice what with me not being the King. But I do feel I have to say something because these clothes are only supposed to...
Arthur: Merlin?
Merlin: Yes, my Lord?
Arthur: Could you do something for me?
Merlin: Absolutely, whatever needs doing.
Arthur: Could you, please... shut up!
Merlin: Yes, I can do that. Of course I can. That's not a problem.
Arthur: Now!

Arthur: There is nothing to fear. It is a fair and honourable agreement that befits two great kingdoms. Furthermore, our friendship will be cemented by a union that cannot be broken, my hand in marriage to her Royal Highness, Princess Mithian.
(People whisper and clap)
Gaius: Smile!
Merlin: He can't mean that.
Gaius: And clap. Smile and clap.
(Merlin smiles and claps, pretending)

Merlin: How come I didn't know any of this? How come you didn't say anything?
Arthur: That's what confidential means, Merlin. Keeping it from blabbermouths like you.
Merlin: You can't do this!
Arthur: No. You're right, I can't. Oh, wait a second, I'm the King so I can.
Merlin: But surely it's a little bit...
Arthur: A bit what?
Merlin: Soon?
Arthur: What do you mean?
Merlin: Well...
Arthur: You mean Guinevere? I told you not to mention her name again.
Merlin: Which is why I didn't.
Arthur: How many times do I have to tell you? Guinevere made her choice. She betrayed me. Now she must take the consequences.
Merlin: But...
Arthur: But what?
Merlin: Nothing.
Arthur: That's right... nothing.
Merlin: Except that you still love her!
Arthur: You ever say anything like that again, and I swear you'll join her in exile forever!

Gaius: Are you going to sulk all day?
Merlin: I'm not sulking.
Gaius: You haven't said a word all morning.
Merlin: I'm thinking.
Gaius: You know how bad that is for you.

Merlin: It is Arthur's fate to marry Gwen.
Gaius: If that's the case, then he will.
Merlin: But am I supposed to do anything about it?
Gaius: You don't think that's a little arrogant?
Merlin: Yes. And no. I don't know. I don't know what to do any more.
Gaius: You could start by eating your porridge.

Merlin:Would you like more soup, Sire?
Arthur: No, thanks.
Merlin: Are you sure?
Arthur: Merlin, you've asked me that three times now. Just...(Turning back to Princess Mithian)You were saying?
(Merlin makes Arthur drop his soup)
Arthur: Erm... sorry, I... erm...

Agravaine: I do feel that dancing is best performed in youth and appreciated in age

Arthur: Good night, Princess.
Princess Mithian:(As Arthur is still holding her hand)If I may...?
Arthur: Sorry(He lets go off her hand and she starts to leave)Mithian?
Princess Mithian: Yes, my Lord?
Arthur: I was thinking, perhaps...
Princess Mithian: Yes?
Arthur: You might like some breakfast?
Princess Mithian: Breakfast?
Arthur: Tomorrow. With me. A picnic. Somewhere. Nice. Somewhere nice.
Princess Mithian: I look forward to it.
Arthur:(To himself)Breakfast?! Rubbish thing to say.

Princess Mithian: Don't be mean!
Arthur: He doesn't mind, do you, Merlin? Besides, he needs building up. Look at him.
Princess Mithian: Enough!(Picking up a basket)Thank you, Merlin, I'll do the rest.

Princess Mithian: Don't be mean!
Arthur: He doesn't mind, do you, Merlin? Besides, he needs building up. Look at him.
Princess Mithian: Enough!(Picking up a basket)Thank you, Merlin, I'll do the rest.

Merlin: I have to go hunting. I hate hunting.
Princess Mithian: You're not a fan of hunting?
Merlin: What sport is it where one side has dogs and spears and crossbows and the other nothing?
Princess Mithian: You're not much of a fan of me either, are you? Come on, Merlin. I'd have to be a fool not to notice.
Merlin: I'm sorry if I caused offence.
Princess Mithian: I'm sure you have good reasons. One thing I've learned since being here is that Arthur values your opinion above almost all others... even if he'd be the last person to admit it.
Merlin: You can say that again!
Princess Mithian: I like him, Merlin, I really do. I didn't expect to, but... well, he's a lovable person, isn't he? Underneath it all. All I ask it that you give me a chance. Can you do that?
Merlin: Yeah.
Princess Mithian: Thank you.

Merlin: Maybe we should call it a day.
Arthur: Nonsense, we've barely begun.
Merlin: Not much point in hunting if there's nothing to hunt.
Arthur: We could always give you a five minute head start, Merlin.

Merlin: Sire? I need to talk to you.
Arthur: I told you I didn't want to be disturbed!
Merlin: It is important. Very important.
Arthur: You defy me? You defy your King?
Merlin: Yes! I do! You know I would not do so unless the situation was grave.

Princess Mithian: Tell me... who is it that trumps a princess?
Arthur: No one. And everyone.
Princess Mithian: What great family is she from?
Arthur: None. She's the daughter of a blacksmith.
Princess Mithian: And for her you would risk your kingship, your kingdom?
Arthur: Without her they're worth nothing to me.
Princess Mithian: I would give up my own kingdom to be so loved.

Arthur: Have I been a fool to give up so much for a woman who betrayed me, a woman I might not see again?
Merlin: You will see her again. You did the right thing, my Lord as I knew you would.
Arthur: And how could you be so sure?
Merlin: Because you're Arthur, you're noble, the Once and Future King.
Arthur: Doomed to be a bachelor. What's the point of loving someone who cannot be found?
Merlin: Gwen will be found. You will find each other.
Arthur: Are you really wise, Merlin, or just a prating fool? I can no longer tell(Merlin trips on Arthur's chamber pot)As if there was ever any doubt.

Arthur: What's taking so long?
Merlin: It's the feast of Beltane. The king must look kingly.
Arthur: I'm not gonna look kingly in my undergarments, am I?
Merlin: Have a little... patience. Think of something pleasant!
Arthur: You in the stocks?
Merlin: Wait one... second...
Arthur: One! What have you got there?
Merlin:(Hiding something behind his back)Nothing. My hand. My other hand.
Arthur:(Retrives what Merlin is hiding)Why are you putting another hole in this belt?
Merlin: I was uh... enhancing it for comfort and ease of use.
Arthur: Are you saying I'm fat?
Merlin: No. I'm just saying that the belt is one hole shy of perfection.
Arthur: Ridiculous!(Arthur struggles to put the belt on but it's too tight)
Merlin: Don't be too hard on yourself, a little extra padding goes with the job with all the feasts and banquets and ceremonies...
Arthur: All right, Merlin, do what you have to. Not a word of this to anyone, understand?
Merlin: Trust me. If there's one thing I'm good at it's... keeping secrets.

Arthur: Ah, my favourite... herb crusted capon.
Merlin: Easy now, we don't want any more holes in that belt!
(Sir Percival almost chokes on his drink and Arthur pretends to laugh amused)
Merlin:(To Gaius)Wine?
(Gaius nodds)
Arthur: Merlin?(Grabbing a fist of Merlin's clothes and pulling him closer)It's a good job you don't have anything of any actual importance to keep secret, isn't it?

Merlin: Are you all right?
Arthur: No one likes to be called fat, Merlin.

Arthur: Been hiding in the broom cupboard as usual, Merlin?

Merlin: We need to find you some kind of disguise. You're too conspicuous in those clothes.
Simpleton Arthur: Whatever you say. I'm entirely in your hands.

Merlin: In your own time, obviously.
Arthur: Sorry, Merlin. Some of these things are a little on the tight side.
Merlin: Beggars can't be choosers, Sire.
Arthur: No, you're right. I probably should learn to think before I speak, shouldn't I?
Merlin: It'd be a start.

Merlin: You look like a total turniphead.
Arthur: Well, shall I try something else? There's... there's plenty more here.
Merlin: No, no. That... that will do absolutely fine.

Tristan:(About King Lot)He doesn't take kindly to strangers, I can tell you. Likes to decorate his fortress with their heads.

Tristan:(About Simpleton Arthur)What's wrong with your friend?
Merlin: He's a simpleton. He can't help it.
Tristan: Look after him, do you?
Merlin: Without me, he wouldn't last a day.

Merlin: Could we not come with you? I mean, I would be grateful for the company, to be honest.
Simpleton Arthur: I'm very annoying.
Merlin: Sorry. Please?

Merlin: You're smugglers?
Isolde: We prefer to think of it as free trade.
Merlin: It's forbidden. By edict of the King if you're caught you could be killed.
Isolde: Caught? Tristan and Isolde? I don't think so. We're too quick and too smart for the half-wit king in Camelot.
(Simpleton Arthur is hugging a tree)
Merlin: You don't say.

Merlin: More soup?
Simpleton Arthur: Yes, please(After Merlin has served it)Thank you.
Merlin: A please and a thank you, all at the same time. That's amazing.
Simpleton Arthur: Is it?
Merlin: Well, let's just say manners are not your strong point.
Simpleton Arthur: Really? In what way?
Merlin: Rude, thoughtless, insensitive. And that's when you're in a good mood.
Simpleton Arthur: I'm sorry to hear that.
Merlin: I don't think you realise how hard I work for you. I know you're the King, but it would be nice if you could do one small thing for yourself, as a... gesture, a mark of respect.
Simpleton Arthur: I'm sorry to have been a disappointment, Merlin. I'll try harder in future.
Merlin: I'll look forward to that. On the other hand, why wait? That pot will need rinsing out as well.
Simpleton Arthur: Of course.
Merlin: And when you're done with that, the horses need a rub-down too.
Simpleton Arthur: My pleasure.

Arthur:(Kicking Merlin awake)You'd better have a damn good explanation for this, Merlin!(Merlin keeps quiet)Fine, I'll just carry on kicking you.
Merlin: You're back!
Arthur: What do you mean, I'm back? You're talking gibberish!

Arthur: Let's assume for one moment you know what you're doing, it doesn't explain why I look like a village idiot.
Merlin: It's the perfect disguise. No one would ever suspect you of being, you know... who you are.
Arthur: I'm sorry, Merlin, I'm not going around looking like this.
Merlin: You have to. You've got to keep in character!
Arthur: Character? What character?
Tristan:(To Merlin)You! We leave as soon as the horses are watered. Explain it to the simpleton, would you?

Tristan: Simpleton!
Merlin: He's talking to you.
Arthur: I don't answer to that name.
Merlin: You're in character, remember?

Tristan: I hope for your sake that's true. I'd hate to think I was riding with a Knight of Camelot.
Arthur:(Pretending to be a simpleton)Aye!
Isolde: A Knight of Camelot? Look at him!
Tristan: You're right. The knights may be stupid, but they're not that stupid.

Merlin: Pack your things, Simpleton!
Arthur: Call me that again and I'll run you through.

Merlin: Who will cover us?
Arthur: Don't be a simpleton, Merlin.

Tristan: They were after you. Who the hell are you?
Arthur: My name is Arthur Pendragon.
Tristan: The King of Camelot?
Arthur: At least, I was...
Tristan: I've lost everything I've worked for for some good-for-nothing king!
Arthur: That's something coming from a smuggler.
Tristan: I wouldn't have to be one if it wasn't for your damn taxes, would I?
Arthur: Those taxes help protect the people of this land.
Tristan: My people are dead, you call that protection?

Arthur: Did you lose them?
Merlin: We're safe.
Arthur: You're sure?
Merlin: Do I look like an idiot?
Arthur: Yes.
Merlin: He doesn't change, does he?

Arthur: Which way now? I thought you said you grew up in these tunnels!
Merlin: I did! It's just it could be that way.
Arthur: Or it could be that way.
Merlin: Yes.
Arthur: That's very reassuring.

Arthur: I've never heard so much rubbish in my entire life.
Merlin: Are you calling Gaius a liar?
Arthur: No, I'm calling you an idiot.

Arthur: What happened to you Morgana? I thought we were friends.

Arthur: Merlin! Where have you been?
Merlin: Were you worried about me?
Arthur: No. I was making sure we weren't being followed.
Merlin: You came back to look for me.
Arthur:All right it's true. I came back because you're the only friend I have, and I couldn't bear to lose you.
Merlin: Really?
Arthur: Don't be stupid!

Merlin: I was thinking about last night and how you'd given up all hope, how you were a poor leader and a shoddy king.
Arthur: Shoddy?
Merlin: All right, shabby.
Arthur: Thanks!
Merlin: Well, it reminded me of a tale Gaius once told me.
Arthur: Merlin, I'm really not interested in your favourite bedtime stories.
Merlin: For once in your life, just listen.

Arthur: Are you making this up?
Merlin: Of course not.
Arthur: All right. If it's true, why haven't I heard this story?
Merlin: Well, history isn't really your strong point, is it?

Arthur: What the hell are you playing at?
Merlin: I'm proving you're their leader and king.
Arthur: That sword is stuck fast in solid rock!
Merlin: And you're going to pull it out.
Arthur: Merlin! It's impossible!
Merlin: Arthur, you're the true king of Camelot.
Arthur: Do you want me to look a fool?
Merlin: No, I'm going to make you see that Tristan's wrong. You aren't just anyone, you are special. You and you alone can draw out that sword.
Arthur: You'd better be right about this.
Merlin: You have to believe, Arthur. You are destined to be Albion's greatest king. Nothing, not even this stone can stand in your way.

Arthur: You're making this up.
Merlin: Why would I? Your head's already as big as your waist. I believe it, though. And I believe in you. I always have.

Sir Gwaine: Come on, boys. What's taking you so long?
Sir Percival: You all right?
Sir Elyan: I've been locked up with Gwaine for a week.