Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Notebook

   My daddy said, that the first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try, that feeling just never goes away.
   We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.
   I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..
   In time, the hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let it go. At least I thought it was. But in every boy I met in the next few years, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong, I'd write you another letter. But I never sent them for fear of what I might find. By then, you'd gone on with your life and I didn't want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were that summer. I didn't ever want to lose that.
   Dusk is just an illusion because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are there cannot be one without the other yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel I remember wondering to be always together yet forever apart?
   Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed; it  was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding.
   What are we after all our dreams, after all our memories?
   I've learned that we're all entitled to have our secrets.
   But he had been in love once, that he knew. Once and only once, and a long time ago. And it had changed him forever. Perfect love did that to a person and this had been perfect.
   You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
   Who am I? And how, I wonder, will this story end?
   A person can get used to anything if given enough time It's the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.
   We're not the same people we were then. We've changed, we've grown.
   Wandering and confused, lost to myself, ill-assorted, contradictory, Pausing, gazing, bending, and stopping.
   I'm sure you think that I don't understand what you're going through, but I do. It's just that sometimes, our future is dictated by what we are, opposed to what we want.
   If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale.
   And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for falling in love.
Everyone is always going through tough things, the irony in it is that everyone thinks what they're going through is just as hard as what you are. Life isn't about surviving this, it's about understanding this.
   I have loved another with all my heart, and for me that has always been enough.
   There's no love like the first.

No comments:

Post a Comment