Silent Melody

It was hard to leave. But it was impossible to stay. He was leaving from choice because he was young and energetic and adventurous  and had long wanted to carve a life of his own.
He was going to new possibility, new dreams. But he was leaving behind places and people. And though, being young, he was sure he would see them all again some day, he knew too that many years might pass before he did so.

It was not easy to leave. Even at its darkest moment, life was a precious gift.

"Tis what marriage is all about, madam," he said.
"Have you not realized it? 'Tis about discovering unknown facets of the character and experience and taste of one's spouse and learning to adjust one's life accordingly. 'Tis learning to hope that one's spouse is doing the same thing. Leave love to take its course. 

She wondered if she would have tumbled into love with him during the past week if her heart had been whole, if her soul had no been shattered long ago. She rather thought she might have. But a heart and soul could not be mended by the power of the will, she had discovered over seven years. And so she had accepted reality and moved on.

Idleness was so often despised. And yet it was on idleness, she knew, that one touched meaning and peace.

But Ashley had always understood. He had always known there was a person behind the silence - not just a person who listened with her eyes and would have responded in similar words if she could have, but one who inhabited a world of her own and lived in it quiet as richly  as anyone in his world. With Ashley there had always been a language. There had always been a way of giving him glimpses of herself. He would never know know her. Such intimacy but no communication, because words - even if she could speak or write them - could never explain her world to him.

That was the heart of the difference, she thought. In her world she had learned to be. Other people seemed to gain their sense of identity and worth from doing.

It takes character to refuse a man you love more dearly than life merely because marrying him would be the wrong thing to do.

There was at least as much to learn as there was to be taught.

She was not sure that her deafness had strengthened her character. She was not even sure she had met a challenge. A silent world was as natural to her as a noisy one must be to them, she reflected. But people tended to assume that deaf persons could function as people only if they learned to conform to a world of sound. What about the challenge of silence? Very few people of hearing ever accepted it or even knew that there was a challenge there. People of hearing feared silence...

Gifts were dangerous things, she thought. Sometimes one succeeded only in taking far more than one gave.

"Ah, those eyes," he said. "They can speak volumes, but sometimes even I cannot translate the language. And we never did invent enough signs for deeper thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps we should do the learning - and learn not to communicate, or to do it in a different way. Now there is a thought. Perhaps we could learn your peace if we could share your silence.